ACC WEEK 8 (DAMN IT'S WEEK 8 ALREADY) PICKS! HORRIBLE CARNAGE AND TRAINWRECKS INSIDE!

YAYYY! ITS TDIME FO DA A C C PIX OFFTH DA WEEK!! (insert monster noises/grunts/all around sounds of displeasure)

North Carolina @ Clemson
Clemson, S.C.
12:00 PM TV: ESPN  

• First and foremost…this write-up is coming from a Carolina fan on a bye week, whom still has a bad taste in his mouth from the Derp that was the Terps this past Saturday night. You are up 18, at home, to a Clemson team that you can beat. Could you tackle? Maybe double a few WR’s? GOOD GOD. I’m still on the fence about the Tigers, but the more I watch I am starting to think they have plenty of raw talent and catching back up to the Gamecocks talent wise. Boyd seems to be doing better than what was expected at QB, so I can’t say anything other than he’s exceeded expectations. UNC has been an up and down team from what I have gathered. Hell, they couldn’t even beat a Louisville team in Chapel Hill by more than 10. That’s LOUISVILLE. It seems that Clemson is just waiting for someone to beat them, and the Tar Holes have a little bit of confidence. I’m hoping that they can be the team that brings the “Mighty Tiiiiigs” back down to earth because we all know there is only one thing worse than an undefeated Clemson team…and that’s full blown AIDS.  Pick: Clemson (but take UNC and the points)

Wake Forest @ Duke
Durham, N.C.
12:30 PM TV: ACC Network

• DON’T SLEEP ON THE DEAMON DEACONS! Just ask Florida State…who thought it would be easy to stroll into Winston-Salem and take a win. Fortunately for everyone keeping score at home, we won’t have to worry about that as Dook has the honor of taking the bus ride down I-85/40. (See what I did there? KEEPING IT LOCAL PEOPLE!) There is not a single part of this game that says “WATCH ME”, but I’m sure I’ll have to just check in to see who shits the bed first. Pick: Wake

Boston College @ Virginia Tech
Blacksburg, Va.
3:00 PM TV: RSN

• God, please…just make it stop. I can’t justify this Boston College team. Pick: Virginia Tech

NC State @ Virginia
Charlottesville, Va.
3:30 PM TV: ESPNU

• All those who had Virginia beating Georgia Tech last week please step forward. DON’T YOU DARE WALK FORWARD BECAUSE YOU LIE. What a week it was for those in HooTown, USA. There weren’t enough Clorox bleach pens in Charlottesville to get all the red wine stains out of everyone’s clothes after the post-game celebration. WINE AND CHEESE FOR EVERYONE! EVEN YOU TINY TIM! NC State on the other hand has really been kicking themselves in the ass this year…well wait…TOM O’LEARY has been kicking his self in the ass this year. Was it really a good idea to tell Russell Wilson “Hey, either its all football or you are out”? Yea, brilliant there chief. Don’t look for this to be another W for the Wahoos…but at this point, who really cares? Pick: NC State

Maryland @ Florida State
Tallahassee, Fla.
3:30 PM TV: ABC/ESPN2

• All those in favor of just acting like Florida State wasn’t preseason top 10 say AYE. (Resounding cheer from the northern Florida area) I know, you’ve had your injuries…and you played some tough teams…(Clemson…Wake?) but what’s happened is inexcusable. Is it too late to resurrect Bobby Bowden? Maryland…I’m shaking my head at you. What in the hell did you do last week? The ONE chance you had to remain relevant in the ACC was blown. You even brought out some more super cool uniforms! Chevy Chase Field was packed at 48,000 people going crazy! (Insert laugh about stadium size/penis size) At this point, I’d just pack it in and quit your football program and concentrate on getting Gary Williams back because you couldn’t even do the one thing that most teams can handle: WIN after having an 18 point lead in the second half.

Georgia Tech @ Miami

Miami Gardens, Fla.
3:30 PM TV: ESPN

• Did they really think that by adding “Gardens” to Miami Gardens was going to spruce the place up a little? It’s still dumpy Miami and Joe Robbie Stadium if you ask me. The bet within the bet for this game will be total attendance…over/under 32,100. My heart says over, but brain says under. Georgia Teach decided to derp it up last week apparently because they were tired of being undefeated. Who knew that it was such a tough chore? Miami is easy the biggest enigma in the ACC because you never know what team will take the field. From hence forth, Miami will be called The Forrest Gump Box Of Chocolates (or TFGBOC for short) for obvious reasons. All I need is someone to Photoshop Randy Shannon’s face on Sally Field’s body to play the mom, and Nevin Shapiro to play Lt. Dan. Pick: Georgia Tech

ACC WEEKLY EGG TOSS PICKS WITH SISTER HAZEL!

(Click play…and start reading!)

This week, I am offering up a unique way to help bring the ACC weekly egg toss picks closer to home, with more emotion. I give you the best thing to come out of Gainesville other than Steve Spurrier and Muschamp's STARE OF DEATH… I give you SISTER HAZEL!

 “I miss you -I miss being overwhelmed by you. And I need rescue -I think I'm fading away. But I keep thinking that you'll wake me up with a whisper in my ear - I keep hoping that you'll sneak in my room…”

• I’m 110% positive that this has to do with the ACC’s lusting desires for Miami in 2005. Why else would you want Larry Coker and his 2001 National Title to come whisper in your ear while laying in bed? We all know that Virginia Tech isn’t going to get it done this year either…so look for this game to be miserable to watch. Nothing like 2 overhyped teams playing in a county with more meth labs per capita than any other in VA! Pick: VT

“So I wait and I wait…and I run old scenes through my tired head- Of the days we laid by the school and said forever…Was that the best I'll ever be?”

• See… here’s the part where everybody starts to question if FSU in 1999 and Miami in 2001 will be the best the ACC will ever be. I’d have to say with yes…that is the best you will be Championship wise. However...UNC and Louisville play this week, and I’ve got to say…The Cardinals are likely asking themselves the same question after winning the Orange Bowl in 2007. This game is a tough one, but I’ll have to give the nudge to UNC at home. BUT, TAKE THE POINTS AND LOUISVILLE! Pick: UNC

“I miss you. I miss talking all night long with you, and I need this to find a way to your home. My love can you hear me? Have I been hoping loud enough, wishing hard enough? Can you see me when I'm asleep all alone – alone?”

• OK…outside of being overtly creepy and stalkerish…this isn’t a bad question for John Swofford to be asking Bobby Bowden. Let’s be honest here for a second…Bobby Bowden was the ACC and was the main driving force in the conference for 2 decades. Close your eyes and imagine a grown ass man weeping into a phone saying “Bobby, come back! I need you!” Good thing for FSU, they play Wake Forest this weekend and they will not need any help beating the Daemon Deacons. Although, EJ Manuel is back for the Seminoles, so no more sleeping all alone on the sidelines! Pick: FSU

“So I wait and I wait, and I run myself in the same old circles. I sit and I stare, and I run old scenes through my tired head of the days that we laid by the school and said forever….Was that the best I'll ever be?”

• NC State fans, but I’m sorry. Your football team will never be anything, but you had the chance before your head coach told Russell Wilson that he couldn’t play 2 sports. Yea, that didn’t hurt you at all did it? I mean, it’s not like Wisconsin is good this year or anything…right? Speaking of running in the same old circles, do you think a directional Michigan school ever gets lost…or just “runs around in circles”? Either way, look for more of the same from those types of schools this week. Pick: NCSU

“Can't keep my hands from shaking….Stumbling through the wreckage again….But you're gone”

• Dude, I can’t think of a better analogy for Maryland than this. Remember, you beat Miami with some hellacious uniforms! Sadly, since you can’t throw, catch, or run the ball from you shaking so much because you got just a little bit of attention, you drop one at home to TEMPLE! I’m pretty sure that the Terps will be stumbling through the Georgia Tech Ramblin’ Wreckage again. (See what I did there?) Pick: Georgia Tech          

“So I wait and I wait, and I run myself in the same old circles. And I sit and I stare…And I run old scenes through my tired head. Of the days that we laid on our backs and said forever…Was that the best I'll ever be…Was that the best I'll ever be….Was that the best I'll ever be?”

• Everyone…unless you are reading via cell phone… close your eyes and think about this. Don’t you see Danny Ford and Dabo Swinney skipping down The Hill after rubbing Howard’s rock? All of a sudden, both of them lying on their backs talking about the alleged 1981 National Title while picking flowers and caressing each other’s face? Clemson fans have to be asking right about now if that was the best they will ever be. Quite frankly, they are going to fall ass backwards into an 8-9 win season…or greater if they don’t F it up. It kills me to say this, but I think Clemson destroys Boston College because they will never, ever, be the best at anything football related. If they lose, it’s only because Dabo is daydreaming about forever with Danny Ford. Pick: Clemson.

-Gamblin Boss

My Weekly Picks, “I’m A Certified Member of ShameCocks Anonymous” & Ramblings

First, let me begin by saying thank you to those of you who have hung in there and kept up with this blog when others haven’t. We all get busy, and this is just a forum for ideas…so you can’t really bitch about free things. We did come out of the gate hot, but jobs come first...but with that said I have a pretty open Friday, so here’s what has been on my mind for the past week or so:

#1 – The South Carolina Gamecocks…my pride and joy for every day of my 10,141.75 (that’s 365.25 days a year) days of existence…have become the most frustrating thing to watch since Obama getting elected. I’ve been there for 3-6-2 seasons. I was there for 1-10.I was there for when Clemson fans thought it was funny to throw “ZERO” candy bars on your porch after losing to them and going 0-11. Let’s really, really, really hope that this is only grooming my patience for when I have a little Gamblin’ Boss of my own to teach the right and wrongs of the world. If that is all I get out of it, then it’s going to be a plus. Otherwise I’m going to be dead by the age of 42 and fully gray by 35. Can we not get our shit together? (Speaking of shit…I’d like to present the reason behind my picture choice above. I would like to offer the analogy to you that South Carolina is competing in their first marathon. Winning the SEC East last year was a 10k challenge, so this year they are going all in. Many months have been spent training and practicing for this moment. Finally, they get close to the finish line and shit themselves. You can make the finish line whatever you like! Use your imagination!

 By far, we have the talent to play really good ball, but where is it? Has Spurrier’s pride and hard ass mentality of Garcia over the past years finally caught up to him? Is he accepting that the copious suspensions and public bashing/criticism can all be wiped away by a season where “we are here to coach Stephen and he will do the best that he can do”? Bullshit. You can’t tell someone for 3 years how horrible they are, how much better they need to play, .etc and all of a sudden say that you are fine. Oh yea, Lattimore ran for what, 17 times again Auburn? I give Chiznik a nod to coaching, although any idiot can beat SC. Stack the box with 8…then on 3^rd and long sit back and play cover 2 with a spy. It aint difficult! If we don’t beat Kentucky like a rented mule, I’m going to go ahead and hope I don’t have to travel for the bowl game…as the BBVA Compass Bowl is here in Birmingham! YAY MEDIOCRITY!

#2 – Paul Finebaum, and other sports talk radio – A funny thing happened to me on the way in to work today. WJOX here in the ‘ham was doing their daily rundown of SEC games for the upcoming week… LSU/UF, UT/UGA, UA/VANDY, MSU/UAB…on and on. They get to the end and say “well, I guess that’s about it. We can’t think of any other SEC game this week that we missed”. No mention of South Carolina. Not even a peep. I understand I’m living in a place where I’m going to catch shit, and I’m OK with that. Bammer fans are making fun of SC because we lost to a team that …remember…had to score twice in 2 minutes to beat Utah State. Also, we’re the team that lost at home to the team that let Clemson hang 600 yards of offense on them. Auburn fans? You have no idea what I get on the roads. Driving with a Gamecock logo and license plate frame on your car is a target for abuse. Going back to the talk radio angle, no one takes the SEC East or South Carolina seriously…and rightfully so. It’s painful to listen to any local talk here because it makes you realize that A – SC will never…EVER…be an elite team and B – SC will never, ever, get the respect it wants from fans west of Georgia.

#3 – Fantasy Football – I think I have turned a corner. Even after winning my league last year…I think I have lost the will to compete in fantasy football. What’s funny, I can’t put a finger on why.

Reasons why I love Fantasy Football: competitive, fun, easy, get to BS with other people in the league, make trades that involve risk, opportunity to win money

Reasons why I am burnt out on Fantasy Football: in a league where you have diehards and space fillers, lack of competitive talk, lack of people paying for the league, other things to do on a Sunday, lack of time to commit during the week

Again, I have no clue why this happened this year…but it did. Of the 3 leagues I am in, I just don’t care about it. I love football, and I love being around other people that love it as much as I do. Maybe I just surrounded myself with too many space fillers…or maybe I’ve become one to some extent.

#4 – COLD BEER. I love me a drink…but not in the “Holy shit I need a drink and it’s 3PM” but more of the “Man, there is nothing better than a cold draft beer and football on the big screen”. I don’t know what it is, but if you are either outside or watching sports…BEER TASTE DELICIOUS. Last Saturday we spent about 4 hours at Buffalo Wild Wings and I tell you what, those pitchers went down like water. Even when Carolina got beat I still enjoyed the taste. Now, I am a big Bourbon connoisseur…this much is true…but there are just times when beer blows dark liquor out of the water.

#5 - Facebook blows. I’m starting to take a page out of my fellow writer 63 Sports and turn my back away from it. When you think about it, Facebook could be like a giant star that is full of life…then continues to grow so large that it can no longer contain itself…and slowly collapses. I’m to the point in my life where I don’t feel the need to hop on a see what everyone else is doing constantly. More so, I don’t see the need to update my status or “LIKE” whatever someone else has posted. What’s even worse…checking in to a place that you should be…such as “HOME” or “at work”…AND CHECKING IN ANYWHERE IN GENERAL. This is becoming a way to humble brag about things to the 10000^th degree. Why should someone care if you are checking into the Biltmore Estate? What about if you check into the wrong tailgate spot? “Oh God! I did it again! It says I’m in the Fairgrounds but really I am at Carolina Walk!” Then of course, you could be that guy who checks into an airport…the biggest tool move of them all. Why? Because nothing says attention whore more than “I’m getting to travel but I’m not going to tell you where so you better ask, like, or comment on my status so other people could see it because I’m too goodie goodie and don’t want to brag about where I am going even though I should tell you because you are my friends, right?”.

#6 – The Yankees – THANK GOD THEY GOT BEAT. THAT IS ALL.

PICKS! PICKS! PICKS! PICKS! PICKS! PICKS! PICKS! PICKS! PICKS! PICKS! PICKS! PICKS! PICKS! PICKS! PICKS! PICKS! PICKS! PICKS! PICKS! PICKS! PICKS! PICKS! PICKS! PICKS! PICKS! PICKS! PICKS! PICKS! 

Here’s who I like this week:

Louisville +14 @ UNC

Oklahoma – 10.5 @ Texas

Pitt @Rutgers +7

Central Michigan @ NC State -10.5

Florida @ LSU – 13

A SHE SHE / ACC PICKS THAT ARE SURE TO BE AS BAD AS THEIR CONFERENCE

Ok, I'll be honest...I haven't had the time I wish I had to dedicate to the blog over the past week to week and a half. We're moving stuff around at work, odd hours, and we've picked up in business.

It's not an excuse...it's just tough trying to sneak in an hour of putting picks together for your blog and get work done at the same time. Also, it's the ACC...so I can't really get excited to dedicate time, ya know?

With that said, HERE WE GO!

Duke @ FIU - I hate Dook. I mean, this is a pathetic game. You thought last week was bad...gee golly whiz it's going to be hell on earth for anyone watching this game. Over/under on attendance.... 8,293. This may have just as many TV viewers. I'm taking the home team here...simply because you don't have to be good in the ACC...you have to be DOOK GOOD. Pick: FIU

UNC @ ECU - Well, well, well...it looks like Western Carolina got left out of the "get to know your other non-relevant directional schools in NC week". This one will be a squeaker, and it could go either way. ECU has an explosive offense, and UNC on defense..is well...UNC on defense. Pick: ECU

Bethune Cookman @ Miami - This can't be real, can it? Are we being serious? Get your act together ACC and try to play at least someone relevant for out of conference tune ups...but my Lord this is setting a new standard. I'm sure the joke here is "how much did Miami pay these guys"....so I'll leave that to your imagination. Pick: Miami

Clemson @ Virginia Tech - For the love of God and all that is holy...please Virginia Tech, show up and destroy Clemson on Saturday. We all know they are not that good of a team...and you are the last line of defense against a great season for them. Please don't let them have to go through the gauntlet of UNC, NCSU, Dook, Maryland, (insert all other ACC schools here). Pick: Virginia Tech

Georgia Tech @ NC State - So outside of the state fair gearing up in a few weeks, look for this game to provide about the only excitement to the triad area for some time. Georgia Tech looks like they are the kind of team that would win the ACC again and have to give up the title due to NCAA allegations...but we'll just have to see. I'll be upset if the Yellow Jackets don't SWARM all over the Wolfpack. (yea, I went there) Pick: Ga Tech

Idaho @ Virginia - Wow, what do you think the kids getting off their flight at Charlottesville Regional will have to say about this game? It's got to be a vacation, I mean hell...any one will tell you that "Charlottesville is quite lovely in the fall". I don't see this as being an entertaining game at all...and I promise you that some jackass has already tried to tie in a Vandals/Rich People/Not in my neighborhood referance....so I'll just let it slide. By the way... DID YOU SEE WHAT SO MISS DID TO THE HOO'S LAST WEEK? That's right...I called that.
Pick: UVA

Towson @ Maryland - So I'm assuming this was another great team to play that doesn't really count as a road trip. Again, way to go Maryland...let's schedule someone awesome like...TOWSON. Also, way to poop the bed last week against Temple. Normal teams would have crapped themselves, got up, took a shower, and cleaned off. You however....decided to make it a point after defecating to roll around in it like you had flames coming off of you. What a Terrpible (see what I did there) school, what a terrpible conference. Pick: Maryland

Wake Forest @ Boston College: Easily the showcase game of the weekend. The flying high Eagles are coming off of a big win against UMass (don't make fun of the kid eating glue...let them have their moment) to host the Demon Deacons. I don't really care for either one of these teams, but I'll have to give it to the home team. After all, Bahston has to have something to follow this time of the year sports wise. (oooohhhh take that RED SAWKS!) Pick: Bahston College

-Gamblin Boss

YOUR WEEK 4 COLLEGE FOOTBALL PICKS & STIMULUS PACKAGE!

You want to make more money? SURE WE ALL DO!

So the economy is in the tank right now. You've downgraded from Crown Royal to Canadian Hunter. You’ve gone from Fat Tire, down to Sierra Nevada, down to Miller Lite…and now chugging 30 packs of Schlitz because that’s all you can afford. Now, I’m not here to say that I’m advocating something as “legal” as gambling…because this information is SOLELY for entertainment purposes. If you happen to bet the farm on something and it doesn’t work out…well…blame it on the refs/weather/fans/hungover players/coaches/ but just not me. I’m going to give you my best 5 picks of the week…do with it what you will. Good luck, God speed, and always remember that “scared money doesn’t make money!”.

Someone pooped the bed and rolled around in it last week. That was me. It was an awful week. 1-4, down 16 units…and below 50% in winners. Let’s hope this week is better!

Last Week: 1-4

Overall: 7-6-2 (46% winning)

Units +/-: -5

WEEK 4 RELEASES

LSU -6 (4 units)

Vandy +15.5 (3 units)

ND -7 (3 units)

Auburn/Florida Atlantic UNDER 58 (2 units)

Florida State +3 (2 units)


GL,
-Gamblin Boss

ACC / A SHE SHE WEEK 4 PICKS THAT WILL LIKELY GO WRONG!

Did anyone else catch what was going on last night in Cincinnati? I’ll give you a hint. An ass-whipping commenced, in which the Bearcats (BIG EAST PRIDE!) took down the Wolfpack of North Carolina State. By far, ESPN had nothing else to show…and when you throw in the likes of Craig James and Jesse Palmer in the booth, you find yourself shoving anything in your eyes and ears to make it stop. What else are you going to watch? 2 hours of Grey’s Anatomy?

ON TO THE PICKS! 

(Also, click on the video and let the music play while reading, because it just sets the mood for ACC footbawwww!)

Temple @ Maryland : The mighty Terps are hosting another home game in which they will be wearing more ridiculous uniforms. Temple pooped all over my pick last week, and kept it close with Penn State. Again, Maryland…I don’t know what to make of you. This game is a true 50/50 split. I won’t be surprised if the Owls come into College Park and take one, but I think the home team wins it here. Pick: Maryland

Southern Miss @ UVA: Caruthers better strap himself in and try to smuggle in a bag of their finest Franzia to sit through this one. The Fightin’ Brett Favres are something to be reckoned with, and I strongly feel that this could be a win (upset) over the ‘Hoos. This will be another game in which the ACC fails to shine against a weaker opponent. I’ll give the nod to Southern Miss here. Pick: SoMiss

Virginia Tech @ Marshall : OK VIRGINIA TECH, WE GET IT ALREADY. YOUR SEASON DOESN’T START UNTIL WEEK 5! Unreal. Frank Beamer must be spooning John Swofford on the regular to get a cakewalk of a schedule. Look out Mrs. B! It’s going to be a doozy this weekend. Aunt Bea did more for pickles on the Andy Griffith show than what this schedule is doing for Virginia Tech. At least pickles fill you up…compared to the emptiness that you feel inside after playing Marshall. Pick: Virginia Tech

Florida State @ Clemson: OOOOHHHH WEEE! WE GOT US A TOP 25 MATCHUP HERE BOYS! (Note that this is the ONLY top 25 matchup that the ACC has this week…let that sink in….) This is no longer the Bowden bowl, which has taken some of the luster off of this game. Florida State is banged up, and Clemson is coming off of a big (?) win against a train wreck of an Auburn team. It’s a typical Vegas trap game with the huge line swings. FSU has a great defense, and it’s proven that they could crap out turds better than Auburn. Pick: FSU

Kansas State @ Miami: Miami last week took Ohio State to the woodshed, and I don’t know where they got it from. I look at this as two average teams from two average conferences…and one coming off of a big win at home last week. Miami can’t seem to get going, with a loss to Maryland, but defeating Ohio State? My head says Miami runs away, but I think K State keeps it close. Pick: Miami

UNC @ Georgia Tech: Georgia Tech put up video game numbers last week against Kansas, and look for more of the same this week. While there won’t be over 600 yards rushing, I see a big day for the Ramblin’ Wreck. I can’t buy into any team that barely wins at home (UNC), so combine that with being on the road…Pick: Georgia Tech

Tulane @ Dook:  WHY LORD, HAVE THOU FORSAKEN ME? WHY IS THERE SUCH A HORRIBLE MATCHUP? Who in their right mind says, “You know what? Let’s take the family and head up to Durham for some great, classic, and intense college football action.” C’MON HONEY! THE BLUE DEVILS ARE PLAYING TULANE! I HOPE THEY HAVE A JAZZ BAND! Somewhere, Dan Beebe is saying “I can maybe, somehow, run the intramural programs at one of these schools. It’s got to be more competitive than this”. Pick: Tulane (Because in the ACC, you don’t have to be good….you have to be DOOK GOOD)

And finally…. (stop the music above)

UMass @ Boston College: (taking a page from Van Pelt) Hey Towmmy, listen here. Finally, we get a football game to determine who is the most Massachusetts  team in dah whorld! Who needs DA SOX RITE NOW? WHO NEEDS DA PATS? We have a football game with the most wicked hawdcore mascots of all time. First, we got da Minutemen. LISTEN TO ME TOWMMY. LISTEN. What is more American and patriotic than being a Minuteman? NOTHIN! Except for the bloody dahmn sock from Curt Schilling and his performance where he gave his life on the mound for DA SOX…BUT THAT IS BESIDE THE POINT!!!!!!  DAH UMASS MILITIA MINUTEMEN WIN

Ok Sal, shut up just for one minute here while I ask ya a question. What the F is on top of an American flag? What the F do you see as our national bird? WHAT DID THOSE BADASSES AT NASA DECIDE TO CALL THE SPACESHIP THING THAT LANDED ON THE F*CKING MOON? THE EAGLE. EAGLE! IF IT WASN’T FOR AN EAGLE, NEIL I’M-GOING-TO-STROLL-ON-THA-MOON-ARMSTRONG WOULDN’T EXIST! Tha only Minuteman that ever wins is when you are in bed with that lady you call your live in girlfriend Tiffany and she gets bad because you can’t last longer than a minute in bed. HIIII YOOOOOO!!!!!  Listen here Sal, I know we had out troubles against the mighty Wildkittens from Northwestern, and got blownout by those KNIGHTS in Flahrida….BUT MAHRK MHY WHURDS…WE TAKE ONE FROM THAT TRASH FROM AMHURST!

Pick: Bashtun College  

-Gamblin Boss

ACC / A SHE SHE WEEK 3 PICKS THAT WILL LIKELY GO WRONG

Welcome to the third installment of The ACC's Public Indecency Scrum Scrimmage (or ACC PISS for short). Also, here's a reminder (above) at just how popular this league is! Look at the fans in blue supporting their team!  YAY ACC CHAMPIONSHIP! WE ARE A BCS CONFERENCE! Here's this weeks game picks that will hopefully go right. Hope you all have a lovely weekend...and stay tuned for my Picks against the spread coming later today. I really, really, really hope that all of you have the Garder-Webb / Wake Forest game tuned in tomorrow. It's going to be APOCALYPTIC!


Last Week - (8-1)  THANKS UVA! YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME! LYLAS! SUPER JOB!
Total - (16-2)

• Auburn @ Clemson 12:00 ABC – This is a tough game for me to even think about. I hate Auburn and Clemson, but you can’t measure how much hate is geared toward the other school from South Carolina. Auburn does not deserve to be 3-0, and nor do I want Clemson to be the first team to beat the defending national champions (whatever that means). I could do the cute thing and pick “TIGERS TO WIN!”, but I’d lose not only my credibility…but my dignity as well. SEC >>>>>>>ACC, and I don’t care where the game is played. Pick: Auburn

• West Virginia @ Maryland 12:00 ESPN – Ok Maryland, let’s see what you have. No, I’m serious.  I’ve shown you mine, now you show me yours. We do this every year about this time and I can’t get an opinion on you. Either you show up on Saturday and tell me who you really are, or I’m going to bring in Scooby Doo and the gang to get some answers. I can’t believe in you until I see something that proves me otherwise. Saturday is your opportunity. However, I still think you are still the same old Maryland, and gets to play in their own bowl game (See: Eagle Bank Bowl), or the tire bowl in Charlotte. Pick: West Virginia.

• Dook @ Boston College 12:30 ACC Network – Here’s a cool fact. The ACC network is not carried in Alabama. That’s awesome. Here is the PERFECT REASON WHY. Could anyone please tell me why in the hell this game is on the ACC Network? HERE’S OUR CHANCE TO SEE BOSTON CHESTNUT HILL IN THE FALL. I can’t pick this game accurately. Both teams could suck a golf ball through a garden hose. Duke’s lost to Richmond and Stanford at home. BC has lost to Central Florida and Northwestern. I’ve got to take the home team simply because of my sandbox theory: “When a child is at a friend’s house and playing in their sandbox, the visiting child gets upset when they have to pick up and go home. The child who’s sandbox is being used is most happy”. Pick: Bahston Callage

• Kansas @ Georgia Tech 12:30pm RSN – What the hell is RSN? Anyway, look for Georgia Tech to take care of the Jayhawks. Maybe they could come play with the ACC. I really, really, have nothing to say about this game. Borefest. Pick: Georgia Tech

• Virginia @ UNC 3:30 ESPNU – At this point, it’s only week 3 and I am regretting assigning myself to the ACC for game capsules. I am trying to be objective…but come on man…really? There isn’t a damn thing to  say about this game. BUT YOU MAKE DOOK AND BOSTON COLLEGE SOUND FUNNY!!! I’m still learning that it’s a marathon, not a sprint. That, and it’s difficult to take any team seriously who’s home stadium is under 60,000 people. Pick: UNC

• Arkansas State @ Virginia Tech 4:00 RSN – Wow. Whatever cable company RSN is, they are getting their money’s worth Saturday. What a way to follow up Kansas and Georgia Tech! Hands down, this is easily the biggest redneck battle of the weekend. I’m just hoping that Radford has a home game as well…then the greater Blacksburg area will be the closest thing to Morgantown, WV that you’ll ever see in Virginia. The Hokies are still working out the kinks and will contend for the ACC title, but remember to win…you have to be good. Wake Forest/Dook/UVA good. Pick: Virginia Tech

• South Alabama @ NC State 6:00 ESPN3 – This just sounds like all kinds of fun. Do you think that this is what God dreams about if he/she was an ACC fan? I mean, does it get any better than hosting South Alabama in Raleigh? The ONLY thing that would make this better is if the Hurricanes had a home game, and the NC State Fair was in town. Pick: NCSU

• Gardner-Webb @ Wake Forest 6:30 ESPN3 – Well, speaking of God…here’s a matchup he/she defiantly plans on attending. It’s the Christian College against the Demon Deacons! Doesn’t this sound a little bit like the Apocalypse? I fully expect Wake to be led out of the tunnel by trumpets and 4 horses. (I promise you, one of these will occur) You heard it here first, evil defeats good - and the end of times is much closer after Saturday. Pick: Wake Forest

• Oklahoma @ Florida State  8:00 ESPN – As stated before, I’m going to be watching this game post Carolina/Navy…and with a FSU grad/soon to be bro in law. This will be a much better game than last year…but come on everyone. Think about this…long and hard. Why is there no more room on the bandwagon for fans of FSU? Why all the hype after a CFA bowl appearance and beating a team that was led by a hungover QB? I get it, you are a good team in the ACC that will contend. But I fully expect this to not even be close. Oklahoma is as advertised, and big game Bob Stoops is pretty decent in the season, on the road. (BUT NOT IN BOWL GAMES!) Pick: OOOOOOOklahoma where the wind blows sweeping down the Plains! OKLAHOMA – OK!

• Ohio State @ Miami 7:30 ESPN – What can you say about this game that hasn’t been said already? Tattoos? Cars? Money? Boats? Jet Ski’s? How about how terrible Miami is. If you had the pleasure of getting to watch their game at Maryland…you’ll see how bad it was. BUT GAMBLIN BOSS, WE DIDN’T HAVE OUR STAR QB! Tough shit! Harris is a piss poor excuse for a quarterback, BUT AGAIN, THIS IS ACC FOOTBALL WE’RE TALKING ABOUT! I know it’s a road game for OSU, and I know that it’s also a Big 10ish school….but Former Joe Robbie Stadium is not exactly a threatening place to play. OSU destroys Miami football faster than Donna Shalala’s handling of the Nevin Shapiro allegations. Pick: OSU   

 Stay Classy,
-Gamblin Boss 

Your College Football Picks & Stimulus Package for Week 2

You want to make more money? SURE WE ALL DO!

So the economy is in the tank right now. You've downgraded from Crown Royal to Canadian Hunter. You’ve gone from Fat Tire, down to Sierra Nevada, down to Miller Lite…and now chugging 30 packs of Busch Light because that’s all you can afford. Now, I’m not here to say that I’m advocating something as “legal” as gambling…because this information is SOLELY for entertainment purposes. If you happen to bet the farm on something and it doesn’t work out…well…blame it on the refs/weather/fans/hungover players/coaches/ but just not me. I’m going to give you the best 5 picks of the week…do with it what you will. Good luck,  God speed, and always remember that “scared money doesn’t make money!”.

Week 1 Results:
4-2 (+6 units) 66.6% winning

WEEK 2:
South Carolina -3.0 (5 units)
Stanford -20 (4 units)
BYU +7.5 (3 units)
Vandy -3 (3 units)
Notre Dame -3 (2 units)

GOOD LUCK!

ACC / A SHE SHE WEEK 2 PICKS THAT WILL LIKELY GO WRONG

I really, really, really despise the ACC and their conference passing off hour long egg tosses as football games. Granted the MD/UM game in primetime on Monday was somewhat entertaining (admit it, only because of the jerseys), but you still left yourself wondering how Dook could drop a game to Richmond – at HOME – for the second time in three years. WE ARE THE MIGHTY MIGHTY ACC! 

• Rutgers @ UNC – As stated in the games to watch posting, Rutgers is a former shell of themselves and need a quality road win. UNC is looked at by some to be a true sleeper (which all teams in the ACC are….ZING) and can springboard their season with a win. Look for this to be closer than the experts have it pegged. Pick: UNC

• NC State @ Wake Forest – Both of these teams I can’t get a read on. Anytime NCSU thinks they are good, they will drop an easy game. Wake Forest thinks they are better than they really are…but sometimes will surprise teams. I wouldn’t call playing in a stadium under 50,000 people a home field advantage, nor is a bus ride from Raleigh to Winston-Salem a road trip. Pick: NC State

• Wofford @ Clemson – Clemson finds themselves playing another cupcake week 2, which ain't exactly saying much for the Tigers. Wofford is a sneaky team with a powerful running game, and could give the Mighty Tiiiiiiiiiig’s a run for their money in Death Valley. This is one of those “we play a school in SC every year” games, so don’t expect Dabo to put the pedal down. Clemson goes 2-0 on paper…but still an awful team in everyone’s mind. Pick: Clemson

• Stanford @ Dook – I fully expect there to be quantum physics calculations drawn up in the dirt before kickoff. That, and if Dook doesn’t pull out the black jerseys again for this game…I’ll be mildly disappointed. Like I said last week; “Dook has a track around its field. Dook is not a very good team”.  Andrew Luck has a field day…without his TI-83 calculator. Pick:  Stanford

• Virginia Tech @ East Carolina – AIR RAID OFFENSE! ECUS put up some great numbers last week against South Carolina, and look for more of the same against Virginia Tech at home. Virginia Tech is another one of those ACC that can’t get the ball rolling unless something bad happens. (See: JMU 2010) This could be another high scoring affair, so it could be entertaining. Pick: Virginia Tech

• Charleston Southern @ FSU – Here is a valid candidate for cupcake of the week. I can’t even come up with anything to talk about to make this more interesting. The only thing worse than an ACC game is an ACC cupcake game…against a D2 school. Pick: FSU

• Georgia Tech at Middle Tennessee State – This looks like a game where the Ramblin’ Wreck should be able to take care of business…but how the hell do you negotiate a home/home series with MTSU? Ever heard of a one-off? Georgia Tech wins, but won’t blow them out. Pick: Georgia Tech

• Virginia @ Indiana – How in the hell did this deal come up? Who is going to travel to Bloomington, IN? “Caruthers, bring forth another scotch and brandy…my glass is getting low”. I just see this getting ugly with pitchforks and Farmer John getting ticked off at the 200 that make the trip. A Hoosier victory with almost guaranteed chants of “HOOSIER DADDY” over and over will keep that from happening. Pick: Indiana

• Boston College at Central Florida – Ah, maybe we get to see what BC is made of after dropping one at home last week to Northwestern. I for one don’t see much in the tank for this team, and Central Florida will likely go to 2-0 and building off of the momentum from the Liberty Bowl/Georgia beat down. (Insert eye roll here) Pick: Central Florida

Last Week: 8-1 (THANKS FOR NOTHING DOOK)

WEEK 2 BIG (L)EAST PICKS! GET 'EM WHILE THEY ARE STILL GOOD!

1.) FIU vs Louisville- Aw man. Nothing like competing against High School football and losing. More people in Miami care about Booker T High vs Central than this "BCS" matchup. If you have to play your college football games on Friday nights, then you're not American. Louisville squeaked by Murray State 21-9 last week while the Golden Panthers beat up on North Texas 41-16. While FIU has the best player you've never heard of (T.Y. Hilton), I pick Louisville to win to home.

2.)  Rutgers vs North Carolina- While the NCAA is making sure UNC has paid all their parking tickets, they are attempting to play a college football season. Sucks they had their HC bounce a couple of weeks before the season. No Way this team gets bowl eligible this season. They can barely run the football, and Tar Heel fans are already looking forward to basketball season, just like the rest of the ACC, Last week Richmond, Northwestern, and Syracuse had victories over the ACC. I pick Rutgers to stroll into Chapel Hill and Chaz Dodd (Byrnes alum) to have a career win.

3.) Maine vs Pittsburgh- Seriously? Pittsburgh all the way. Maine was one of those schools that would show up to your high school to recruit the dumbest and slowest starters on your football team. And the kids that went there were embarrassed to say it.

4.) Norfolk St vs West Virginia- The outcome has already been determined. Vegas will wager more bets on if this game will go four quarters or not. WVU is the best offense in this conference and Geno Smith will continue his tear Saturday. This will be one of those games the program invites all the boosters back to sip on whiskey and look at how great their football team is. Poor Norfolk State will get their only success of the day when their game check gets cashed

5.) Cincinnati vs Tennessee- The Mighty Bearcats take their talents to Knoxville this weekend. They looked impressive against Austin Peay last weekend, putting up 72 points and rushing for 387 yards. This is like both conferences stepchildren. Tennessee is down,and Cinncy, I don't think were ever up.

6.) Rhode Island vs Syracuse- I'm gonna ride the Orange wave another week. This time against the Rhode Island Rams. The Carrier Dome is turning into one of the toughest places to play. Antwon Bailey for Heisman, if not put him at Power Forward.

7.) UCONN vs Vanderbilt- SEE #5. I'm starting to see what the Big East is doing. Schedule games with the WORST teams in the BEST conference and hope for an upset. Seriously, if UCONN beats Vandy would any SEC fan ever know? Was Ole Miss busy this week for UCONN? But seriously the Huskies QB barely got past the century mark in passing yards against Fordham last week. This week, the Commodores will win.

8.) Ball State vs South Florida- Both school saw upsets in the Hoosier State last week. For Ball State, the honeymoon ends in Tampa as they realize they aren't tall enough to go on the rides. BJ Daniels is as solid a quarterback there gets for South Florida, and Skip Holtz is showing his tenure at East Carolina was no fluke. Big congrats for having the balls to schedule to a trip to South Bend and perform the way they did in the first game, before all the lighting strikes. South Florida will win big this week.

-Da U

TEXAS TEN ERRR BIG XII PREVIEW

Alright boys, as the passengers of the HMS BEEBE continues to man the lifeboats, I can help but remember going to Manhattan, KS on August 31, 1996 so watch KSU beat Texas Tech in the first Big XII game ever, as we start the count down to the last Big XII game ever,  I will do my best to hold back the tears and pick some winners.....

Going head to head with the start of the NFL season, Arizona comes to stillwater, and eskomo joes, to take on the cowboys. This is the unofficial first game of the Pac 16. I take the boys from Oklahoma state.

Going head to head with every high school football game, Mizzou head to the desert to take on the Sun Devils. Now I have been to Tempe, and I have seen the co-eds. I feel like the Tigers will spend too much time on Mill Street. Their play calls will suffer from ogling the talent. They dont make em like this in Columbia, MO. Devils win.

What can I say about Iowa that hasnt already been said about afganistan. This game is giong to be terrible and honestly, I feel back for the whole state. Current Big 12 over Future Big 12. ISU!

ESPN Bedmate, Texas host the mormons of BYU. Call me crazy, but I think one of two things will happen. BYU will suffer a post victory let down or UT will be distracted by the colapse of their conference. I am hoping for BYU to win it, but If i can't vote for Mitt Romney then in the interest of being consistent, Ill have to pick UT Austin.

I hate it when powerhouses play cupcakes, but I hate it even more with teams like KU do it. Honestly, Northern Illinois? how much are you paying them to play you? KU may be good at basketball, but they aren't doing themselves anyone any favors in regrard to keeping the Texas Ten together.... with that said, KU big in a terrible game.

Enjoy these Big XII Games

-Patrick Esquire

Week 2 Games THAT YOU CAN’T AFFORD TO MISS

Week 2 – It felt good didn’t it? Being able to dust yourself off and put on that coach’s polo that’s been in the closet all spring and summer. What a week that was! DAMN YOU UTAH STATE!  NFL is starting and the mornings are getting cooler. Everything seems to be normal too…especially with Notre Dame losing and Dook losing again to Richmond.

So, here are this week’s recommendations. Granted there are more duds than winners this early; but if you look hard enough, you’ll see there are some gems coming up. (Editor’s note: There were more than enough games that could have fit in the -1 category. You couldn’t sell advertising for these games….TERRIBLE) I’ve got to go the route of the Wu Tang here, because this week its more about “Dolla dolla bills, ya’ll” instead of being “it’s all about the Benjamin’s”.  

All times are in EST 

5 MONEY STACKS –YOU CAN'T PAY ME ENOUGH TO MISS THESE GAMES!

#2 Alabama @ #23 Penn State 3:30 ABC – The Nittany Lions welcome the Crimson Tide to Happy Valley, to what will soon become known as the “Battle of the Most Classic Badass Uniforms”.  I’d like to think that Penn State could keep it close, but when you boil it down to SEC vs. Big 10ish it could get out of hand early. Also, did you know that when Joe Pa sits down, he is just as tall as Nick Saban?

#12 South Carolina @ Georgia 4:30 ESPN – There are several reasons why this game is a must watch. Can South Carolina take down UGA for the first time in back to back seasons since the early 2000’s? Is Richt coaching for his job or his team? Unfortunately there is one glaring issue with this game that can take away the legs of Marcus Lattimore and hands of Alshon Jeffery…the voice of Matt Millen in the press box. Complete fail. 

4 MONEY STACKS – PRICED ABOVE FACE VALUE 

Notre Dame @ Michigan 8:00 ESPN – I’m going to go ahead and say that this game won’t be shown on time because of the offensive power that will be shown in the ESPN game before this one. (see above). How bad is Notre Dame? How good (if that is even relative) is Michigan? I believe this is the first time that Michigan has played a night game, so I guess those kids will be jacked up to play. I really have a tough time understanding this is the first night game. Maybe that’s why all the good players want to come to the SEC and get their talents showcased during…I don’t know…PRIME TIME? Full disclosure: I’m watching this to see how big of a trainwreck this becomes for ND. 

#16 Mississippi State @ Auburn 12:21 SEC Network – I commend Mike Slive and the SEC office on a 12:21 kickoff. This is perfect because the 20 minutes spent between GameDay and kickoff now serve as a chance to get last minute things adjusted….and not watching ACC / Big 10ish football. THANK YOU! With the egg that the defending national champs dropped last week, look for more of the same. Living here in Alabama, you hear just how bad Auburn is…and the lack of confidence their fans have. MSU has had this game circled ever since fingers from Auburn have been pointing accusations up the road to Starkville about Cam Newton and his “shopping around”. I for one think that they are still trying to redeem themselves after this blunder in 2008.

3 MONEY STACKS – YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR / PAY FOR WHAT YOU GET

Cincinnati @ Tennessee 3:30 ESPN – IT’S FOOTBAWW TIME IN TENNERRSEE! Derek Dooley has a very young team and is using Jedi mind tricks via orange colored slacks to distract the opposing team. The Bearcats are not exactly the most formidable opponent, but hanging 70+ and taking care of a team you should whip is not the most easy thing to do (I’M LOOKING AT YOU AUBURN). I think this game could go either way, but regardless of who wins it will be looked at as a springboard for the season. 

NC State @ Wake Forest 3:30 Raycom – I’m not thrilled with any team in this game, but it is quite a measuring stick for the ACC. Wake dropped one in OT to the mighty Syracuse Orange last week, which is still no excuse for a team that recently won the ACC. (Let that sink in…Wake went to the Orange Bowl) Again, this is ranked so highly just from a voyeuristic perspective. I want to watch this game from the bushes and peaking in through the blinds. The Sad thing is…it won’t be as hot as the scene from Animal House with Belushi on the ladder, but will be twice as funny.

BYU @ #24 Texas 7:00 ESPN – It’s great to see Texas being ranked (sarcasm) and on ESPN/The Longhorn Network! BYU won last week courtesy of Houston Nutt trying to think, and on a botched fumble. Texas is not a team many people see as “great” but could still get to 8 wins. While that would be a great year for some, it’s not in Austin. This will be somewhat of an entertaining game, and if the Mormons didn’t see many distractions in Oxford last week, I assure you there will be plenty in Austin.

2 MONEY STACKS – I FEEL LIKE I’M GETTING RIPPED OFF

Rutgers @ UNC 12:30PM ACC Tarheels. Will you put the pedal down and be an ACC contender (see: tallest midget), or one of the several pretenders that never get the ball rolling. (insert: Any ACC Team)

Stanford @ Duke 3:30 ESPNU  - Why in the hell is the game on TV? You’ve got to love the ACC’s new contract with ESPN. THIS IS WHAT YOU GET! TWO SMART SCHOOLS PLAYING EACH OTHER! The only reason to watch this is to see just how many yards Andrew Luck puts up on the Blue Devils. Over/Under is 310. If a tree falls in Durham, does it make a sound?

1 MONEY STACK – CAN I GET A REFUND?

Central Michigan @ Kentucky ESPNU 12:00 – Kentucky gets to open the gates of Commonwealth Stadium for the first time this year to Directional Michigan. I’d like to think this would be an easy win for the Wild Kittens, but last week against Directional Kentucky was worse than staring into the sun for 3 and a half hours. Look for more of the same this week.

Virginia @ Indiana Big Ten Network 7:00 – CALL YOUR CABLE PROVIDERS AND REQUEST THE BIG TEN NETWORK NOW! This game has everything you could want….except quality football. I’m sure the contingent of 300 UVA fans who make the trip over will be in shock that they can’t find their 2006 Pinot Noir in stock, or that the only cheese around is Cheddar or American. Flash forward Sunday when angry mobs are chasing the ‘Hoos out of town screaming “WE DON’T TAKE KINDLY TO YOUR TYPE AROUND HERE”!!

-Gamblin Boss