Week 3 SEC Picks!! (aaaand FIU and Army)

(See what I did there??)

Auburn @ The Other School in South Carolina:  Boy I hate everything about this game.  The generic nicknames, the stadium, the colors, the teams, everything.  This is what it must have been like for Jets fans 4 years ago when the Patriots and Giants played in the Super Bowl.  Just an absolute no win situation.  And they can't tie cause we all know ties are for sissys and communists.  Flat out, I just don't think Auburn is as good as advertised (for the record I don't think tOSiSC is as good as advertised but they might be slightly better) and I think it FINALLY catches up to them.  tOSiSC has all the tools to be an explosive offense and they could round into form this week.  OUR PICK:  tOSiSC will win the second generic nickname game of the week.  God it sucked to type that.

Ole Miss @ Vanderbilt:  This is the game Commissioner Mike Slive dreads every year.  It's like the wedding of relatives with whom you are only kinda close.  You have to go even though you don't want to.  You have to do the fake smile/hug/kiss thing.  You're standing there and there are so many awkward pauses in conversation.  You're wondering, 'This is family, not Frank from accounting, why do we only have boring elevator small talk to discuss??'  Even the relatives (Vandy and Ole Miss) know you don't want to be there, and the only reason you're there is cause your Mom (Mike Slive) made you go.  If you followed all that, then here it is.  OUR PICK:  Uncle Ned (Vandy) over Aunt Kathy (Ole Miss).  Mom (Slive) is gone by mid-2nd quarter (right after the first dance).

Coastal Carolina @ Georgia:  A lot of people think this is gonna be a cakewalk for Georgia.  But those people are underestimating one thing: Coastal has David Bennett as their coach....

Couldn't have said it better myself.  I'm not even sure what the original rant was about, I think golf maybe.  But who cares, I almost wanna pick Coastal just to see what he says next week.  OUR PICK:  I said almost wanna pick Coastal.  Come on now, Georgia wins it big.
Tennessee @ Florida:  I thought this was only a slightly big rivalry.  But according to one of the experts (don't know his name and never heard of him when they said it, evidently he was on the 1996 Florida National Title team) on something called "The New College Football Show," this is the best rivalry in all of college football.  He also said he would "fight anyone who says different."  I guess we're ignoring Ohio State/Michigan, Florida/Florida State (see that, it's not even Florida's biggest rivalry), Auburn/Alabama, Akron/Kent State.  Ok, maybe not that last one, but you get the point.  I guess this should be expected when the show is on Fox Sports regional and the other "expert" is former Tulane coaching great Tommy Bowden.  Anyway, this is a big game for both team.  UT could tell everyone they're further along than people think.  Florida could win a game that many think they shouldn't lose.  OUR PICK:  UPSET SPECIAL DOG!!!  Tennessee to shock the SEC world and take this from the Gators.  The Vols have a QB, two WO, a RB, and a very good offensive line.  They have enough to get it done and they will.
Navy @ South Carolina:  In 1984, the highly ranked Gamecocks won a big game and the next week had a road game against a supposedly inferior Naval Academy team.  The result?  Due to joe Morrison deciding to go up on a Thursday and do some sightseeing of the Smithsonian, Carolina pooped the bed. An upset victory, a season derailed and another year of heartbroken Carolina fans.  This ain't 1984 though baby.  Navy has my favorite offense in football, they run it to precision and it is almost impossible to prepare for in a week's time.  Howeva, this Gamecock team has superior talent, and, more importantly, better focus than the Midshipmen.  OUR PICK:  Gamecocks win it, move to 3-0.
Louisville @ Kentucky:  The 'Ville is coming off of a loss some are calling "embarrassing."  Ok, everyone is calling it embarrassing.  I mean I love Sun Belt football as much as the next guy, but you can't lose to FIU...at home, if you are a big kid football team.  Don't laugh too loud Big Blue Herp Derps.  That's only slightly worse than barely beating an over matched Western Kentucky on a neutral field, and following that up by letting the  Directional Michigan Chippewas hang around entirely too long.  Yeah you're 2-0, but even the tallest midget is making fun of you.  All kidding aside, these teams usually have a pretty good game and I think this year will be the same.  OUR PICK:  The 'Ville gets back on the horse (get it, cause it's in Kentucky??  If you don't get that email the Gamblin Boss, he will splain you).
Troy @ Arkansas:  I feel like I could write the same thing every week for Arkansas.  It will be some variation of "I don't think the Hogs are that good, but Petrino's offense is always legit.  The (insert whatever bad team is playing Arkansas) will be overwhelmed here."  So there you have it, the same thing again.  Don't get mad at me, get mad at the Razorbacks.  I will write something more when Arkansas actually freakin plays someone.  OUR PICK:  Arkansas...again.
North Texas @ Alabama:  This might actually have been a game in the early 2000's when former Dolphin great Patrick Cobbs was running the Mean Green to four straight Sun Belt titles and current Texas State coaching great Dennis Franchione was roaming the sidelines for the Tide.  Quick side note, remember how pissed Bama fans were when Coach Fran left for Texas A&M??  MAN they were livid haha.  The audacity of someone actually leaving Alabama to go to Texas A&M!!!  The horror!!!  Seems that the Aggies got the worst of that situation.  Oops, got sidetracked.  OUR PICK:  Roll Tide.
Sun Belt Conference Game of the Week Presented by Rold Gold Pretzels, Central Florida @ FIU:  Can FIU do it again?  I mean it's not a high and mighty Big East team (I use that term loosely) but I think this would still count as a big win for the Golden Panthers if they could beat the Golden Knights.  Editor's Note:  I feel like Al Golden should be involved in this game, just to complete the Florida, Golden trifecta.  Sadly, he is stuck at The U.  At any rate, this should actually be a pretty good game.  Mario Cristobal will have his FIU squad ready to play and compete.  TY Hilton probably won't go off as big as he did last week, but he is an NFL caliber player and should still show up big.  OUR PICK:  Golden Panthers over Golden Knights...with a side of Golden Crisps.
Service Academy Game of the Week Presented by WhoLovesABargain.blogspot.com, Northwestern @ Army:
I wanted to feature Air Force this week but they have a bye week (boy that sucks to have a week 3 bye...what's the point?  I mean Honestly you aren't even tired enough to need a bye in week 3...but I digress) so I went with the Black Knights of the Hudson River instead.  I really want Ellerson's boys to get a victory.  They played well enough to win last week and QB Trent Steelman is an underrated player (and one of the nation's better names.  Perfect name for a service academy player too) but I think Dan Persa and they boys from Evanston will be too much.  Hopefully Army can get it going against Ball State next week.  Although the Indiana Hoosiers say that's not as easy as it sounds.  OUR PICK:  Northwestern