Monday, January 23, 2012

Championship Game Reviews

Phenomenal games yesterday in the NFL playoffs!  (See that college football, told ya playoffs would work.  Sorry B Saal, you know it will).  Sucks if you are a Ravens or 49ers fan, but as a neutral fan those were awesome well played games.  You couldn't ask for anything better than well-played competitive games that come down to the end.  Well...maybe you could if you were Ravens or Niner fans, but I digress.  Now that we've had 24 hours to digest them, let's go ahead and regurgitate them!!

(The guy in the middle hates playoffs.  Also, read this article, for more Brian Saal information!)

NFC:  I think we all ahd Niners/Giants for the NFC title at the beginning of the year right?  I know I did.  The Niners are great to watch if you are an old-school football fan, like myself.  If you like new fangled fancy pants football, with things like the "forward pass" well then you're probably not a big fan.  They line up, punch you in the mouth and just try and figure out a way to score one more point than you.  The Giants, going against much of their history, try and get up on you early and then rush the shit out of your quarterback.  Well the Niners came this close (hold your fingers together really close) to advancing.  Sure Kyle Williams made two mistakes returning punts, (The first one was ridiculous and a bad mistake, but the second was a little more excusable.) that ended up costing the team the game.  But you know what, you jsut gotta tip your hat to the Giants on this one.

(See, even the guy with no head tipped his hat)

The Giants took everything the 49ers had and survived.  They threw the ball 58 times (58!!) and Eli Manning was crushed on damn near every throw, and he didn't turn the ball over.  Not once.  In lousy conditions, and getting his ass handed too him every play, he did what champions do, raise their level of play.  So it's onward to the Super Bowl (again) for the G-Men.  I know it made Pop Wasko more then excited!  Two last things: 1)  The punter wears his wedding band while playing...awesome haha.  2)  My favorite scene was the punter running in slo-mo unable to get his helmet off, when he mouthed the words "I'm going to the fu$%king Super Bowl!!"

AFC:  Oh boy.  This is a tough one.  I wanted the Ravens to win.  I'm not actually a Ravens fan, but I don't like the Patriots all that much (like everyone else outside of New England) and I wanted to see Super Joe Flacco (said in obnoxious Baltimore accent) get to the Super Bowl.  Plus, who wouldn't want to see murderers who got away with it (allegedly) get another shot at a title??  Ain't that right Ray Lewis??

(Come onnnnn!!  Your honor, I'm wearin a Snuggy!  How could I have done anything??)

All the build up and media talk before the game was that Joe Flacco had to play well.  And preferably lead them back from a defecit late in the game to win.  Well what do you know?  He lead them down the field, and gave them a shot to win.  AND gave them a shot to tie the game.  Which brings me to my next point.  Folks, lay off Billy Cundiff.  Seriously.  No one dislikes kickers and the ENORMOUS impact they can have on games more than me, trust me.  And don't get me wrong, a 32 yard field goal is about as big a "bunny" kick as you can have as an NFL kicker.  No excuses, you gotta hit that.  BUT!  Go back two plays before to Lee Evans, wide receiver (probably former wide receiver now) for the Ravens has a chance to WIN the game.  Joe Flacco could not have run out there and placed the ball in his hands any better than what he threw it.  The defensive back made the comment after the game that Evans did a great job of not indicating the ball was coming.  So he even had the element of surprise on his side.  And he crapped the bed.  In my opinion, he crapped the bed more than Billy Cundiff.  Lee Evans had the chance to win the thing and move his team to the Super Bowl, and it wasn't even difficult.  Cundiff merely would have tied the game.  So if you are looking for someone to rip, don't be lazy and just rip Cundiff cause he missed the kick.  Do a little thinking and rip Lee Evans.

Whose more likely to make the conference-winning touchdown catch?


                          (This Lee Evans??)                              (This Lee Evans??)

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Musings from My New House!

(Muse-ings...see what I did there??)
Sooooo yeah December 4th was the last time I (or anyone else for that matter) posted anything to the blog.  I'm sorry I dissapointed the thousands, hundreds, 11 or 12 of y'all that make up "Bagmen Nation."  I have only two excuses: 1)  Me and wifey bought the's the shit.  You should do it too if you get a chance.  2) Pure unadulterated laziness.  With that out of the way, let's dive back in with just a random list of my thoughts.  Mostly about sports, but some other stuff too:
  • I'm pretty sure I can be an NFL analyst on ESPN.  I mean not that they need ANOTHER analyst (bringing their total somewhere in the neighborhood of 119) but if they did it seems pretty easy. All one has to do is say any of the following, "(Insert team here) will win the game if they are able to run the football, force some turnovers and play good defense."  90 years of football, this formula has never changed.  Just now you hear it from 119 "experts" on ESPN.
  • I like Tim Tebow.  There...I said it.  I like him because he's actually a good guy and he stands for something.  I don't care if he is Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, or some combination of the three.  He doesn't beat me over the head with his religion so what do I care?  He's also not what I like to call a "HypoChrist."  Those are the athletes/people who just drop "God" or "blessed" or "pray" into a conversation (or in athlete's cases, they get the bible verse/rosary bead/praying hands tattoo) and they figure that should cover them while they cheat on their wife or just generally act like a turd.
  • I hate the coverage of Tim Tebow.  Look, dude can't throw ok?  EVERYONE can agree on that, EVERYONE can see that. 

(Also add some sort of commentary about Tebow's ability to play QB to myfirst point about ESPN). 

 Do we have to analyze the s word out of his play after every game??  Every week we get an update on his record, "Well he is 8-8 as a starter."  You know who else went 8-8 as a starter for the Broncos?  Orlando Franklin their right tackle.  Why doesn't he get a win-loss record?
  • Seriously LSU??  That was your best offensive effort in the title game?  Holy hell that was awful.  Icebox and the gang from Little Giants thought that was a bad game!  (Early Little Giants, that team was rollin by the end of the movie.  Ask Coach O'Shea).  I mean I know y'all have relied on your defense all year, and I know Bama's D is retarded, historically significant good, but jesus tits.  I watch regular season, mid week MAC football from start to finish and I wanted to turn the "Championship" game off.  Gross.
  • I love that Newt Gingrich is somehow the most appealing Republican candidate to the conservative Evangelical Christian groups.  The guy has been married three times, and cheated on his first two wives.  (Editor's Note:  Attention third wife, I think we all see how this one will end.  Well, everyone except for you it appears).  Onward Christian Soldier huh???

(Get a load of the @$$ on that one, er, Phillipians 4:13 I mean)
  • The Geico commercials with the caveman and Brian guys gotta go.  For those of you that just read that and said, "Who on Earth is Brian Orakpo??"  I rest my case.  For those of you that say, "Hey the cavemen commercials are funny,"  I agree...if this was 2004.  It's been a nice run, bur I think it's time they hang that one up.
  • Modern Family is awesome...funniest show on TV since Seinfeld.
  • I love my wife.
  • Can we just cancel  that stupid First Take show on ESPN2??  They just have a bunch of people on there saying ridiculous things just for the sake of being controversial, so people will react.
  • Hell yeah Gamecocks!!  11 wins!!!  That's the type of season I want to forfeit in four years when they find out we cheated to get Clowney.  (And for those that think we didn't/don't pay to get some recruits, I got beach front property in North Dakota for ya..)
  • Twitter is pretty cool.  I mean I hated on it for a long time, a loooooong time, but it's pretty cool.
Ok, I think that should do it.  Thanks for remembering to read us again.  I'll try and take it up a notch and post regularly again.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Final Playoff Preview Before the BcS is Released!

(Never gets old...I'm sorry)

Oh heyyyyy everybody.  I bet you had forgotten about the bagmen huh??  Well I'm back (No Cory Boyd, not like cooked crack) and ready to rant.  So here we go with another installment of our playoff coverage!  As the road to the national championship begins...

First Round Byes:  (1) LSU-SEC Champion, (2) Alabama-SEC At Large, (3) Oklahoma St.-Big 12(ish) Champions, (4) Oregon-Pac 12 Champion
Break Down:  I was tempted to give Stanford the 4 seed and the first round bye because they have been really impressive.  But wait, they got smoked by home, sooooo yeah that knocks them out of contention.  So that basically left Oregon and Wisconsin.  Oregon's two losses (LSU and Southern California) are "better" losses than Wisconsin's two losses (Michigan State and Ohio State).  As a result, Oregon gets the bye.
First Round Matchups: 
(5) Wisconsin-Big Ten(ish) Champion vs (12) Arkansas State-Sun Belt Champion (Non-BcS Conference Champion At-Large #2)
(A pop culture reference!!)

(Ohhhh cause the coach's last name is Freeze...I get it!)
Break Down:  Obviously this is an ass whoopin waiting to happen but, we here at the Bagemen believe everyone deserves a shot.  Arkansas State has had a shockingly good year, going 10-2 and their only losses being to Illinois (which now seems like an awful loss) and Virginia Tech (don't even talk to me right now Hokies). OUR PICK:  Badgers

(6) Stanford-Pac-12 At-Large vs. (11) West Virginia-Big East Champion (Non-BcS Conference Champion At-Large #1)
(Something tells me, this guy might turn out to be pretty good)

(Mr. Sunshine on my GD shoulders himself...)

Break Down:  Stanford has the best player in the country (sorry Trent Richardson, and well, everyone else who plays football) and could have been a top 4 seed if they hadn't derped it up at home against Oregon.  West Virginia is a solid team, nothin spectacular.  I guess we should all just be happy that Louisville didn't get the Big East Championship (the Orange Bowl sends their thanks to Butch Jones and Cincinnati).  OUR PICK:  Stanford

(7) TCU-Mountain West Conference Champion vs (10) Michigan State-Big Ten(ish) At-Large

(Is there a better combo than a university with "Christian" in their name and Prince?)

(Evidently no one told the guy on the left in the gray hoodie they were taking a picture)

Break Down:  I hate to admit it but this Michigan State team is actually pretty good.  Really good defense, Lavion Bell is a damn good RB and Kirk Cousins is an NFL-caliber QB.  TCU seems to have flown under the radar all year, since they lsot a heart breaker to Baylor to open the season (yeah that other loss to SMU is pretty terrible though).  They have proven this program has arrived for good, not just a product of Andy Dalton.  OUR PICK:  Michigan State (first round upset special!!!)

(8) The Other School in South Carolina-ACC Champion vs (9) Boise State-Mountain West At-Large

(Hey Dabo, tell me how my @$$ tastes!)

(Not sure who this "Your Name" kid is, but I'll bet he's gonna be good)

Break Down:  I hate you right now Virginia Tech.  You couldn't even make it competitive???  Now we get to hear how it doesn't matter we beat them by 3 touchdowns cause they're going to the Orange Bowl.  And you know Dabo will mention that, after spending 5 minutes answering a question he "couldn't believe" he was being asked, he will definitely talk about winning the ACC (hooray???).  The good news is Boise State will win this game.  Kellen Moore is 49-3 in his career as a starter and those three losses are by a combined 5 points (facepalm).  OUR PICK: Boise State does what Va Tech couldn't.

Ooooo Just Missed...

Southern Miss:  I know you beat Houston, and you're probably a good team.  Nope, can't lose to UAB (sorry Gamblin' Boss) AND Marshall and still be taken seriously.

Arkansas:  Honestly, could have made it.  Them or Michigan State, really just didn't want to show too much SEC favoritism.

South Carolina:  If Arkansas doesn't qualify, then South Carolina can't.  That plus you can't lose to home.

Georgia:  Same thing as Carolina.  If the Gamecocks don't make it, neither can the Bulldogs

Northern Illinois:  You lost to Kansas...nuff said.

Houston:  You played one quality team all year, and you home.  Can't lay an egg in the biggest game in program history

Kansas State:  I feel like Bill Snyder does this all with smoke and mirrors, beat up on cream puffs, win a couple conference games and bam! you're in a bowl.

Michigan:  If three Big Ten(ish) teams qualified they would get in.  But they can't get in, before the Spartans.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Week 12 SEC Picks!!!

Normally I would put a picture of something based on the word "pick."  For those of you that truly have not seen  "what I did there" all season, that's what I have been doing.  Honestly if it took you this long to figure that out, you are dumb, you are really, really dumb (skip to the 1:20 mark of the video).  With matchups against teams like The Citadel, Furman, Samford, Georgia Southern, Herp Derp Nation, and Aunt Kathy, ladies and gents I present to you week 12 in the 2011 SEC season, aka "Creampuff Saturday."

(Alright. you HAVE to see what I did here)

The Citadel @ South Carolina:  Boy let's hope the ghost of 1990 (a loss at home to the Bulldogs for the uninformed) or the ghosts of Travis Jervey and/or Nehemiah Broughton aren't running around town for this one.  The Citadel does run the triple option which, as we all saw earlier this year, can cause some problems for our boys on defense.  However, the good news is, The Citadel is not the Naval Academy when it comes to running the option.  This would be a program crushing loss for Carolina, but I don't see it happening.  OUR PICK:  Carolina

(Greatest players in Citadel history??  Their parents sure think so!)

Kentucky @ Georgia:  I love Kentucky.  Everything about it.  I love that the Moss wedding is there in April (get your tickets now, they are goin fast!), I love for some reason the state's grass is blue, I love that there were ZERO traffic problems with their inaugural Sprint Cup race (don't pay any attention to the numerous articles and TV talking heads that say otherwise).  Mainly I love the fact that John Calipari in no way at all cheats.  Nope.  I don't care what the previous NCAA investigations (that's two of them in two previous coaching stops) have said.  Nope.  He doesn't cheat.  (If you are wondering why I am so supportive of Kentucky and have not referred to them by their usual nickname, read the writeup for the Auburn/Georgia game from week 11).  OUR PICK:  Georgia...but please Kentucky???  I won't make fun of you until next year if you win this one, I promise!!

Furman @ Florida:  Can the Gators win it to become bowl eligible?  Gosh who would've thought we would be "axing" that question in week 12?  Rrrrrreally could have used that win against Georgia fellas.  Seriously.  That's ok though, I'll move on.  The Gators will win this game.  I want them to win this game, believe it or not, for two reasons; 1)  This guy:
(Former #63 of the Day, Trip Thurman.  Good lookin fella, even with the sideburns)
and 2).  Furman is quarterbacked by a Forcier brother.  If you don't know who that is, just google the Forciers, they're like a whole family of Todd Marinovichs.  And if you don't know who Todd Marinovich is, well then google him after the Forciers.  But I digress....OUR PICK:  Florida, easily

Samford @ Auburn:  Shut up Auburn, I don't have to be nice to you this week...ya jerks.  Couldn't even make it competitive last week huh?  Serves you right you cheatin jerks.  Countdown till you have your national title vacated is back on!!!  OUR PICK:  Auburn

Georgia Southern @ Alabama:  I like three things about Georgia Southern.  1) Their quarterback is named Jaybo Shaw.  His name is Jaybo...awesome. 2).  They run the triple option...awesome. 3) They are the employer of former Panther Athletic Training Intern Great Justin "Matlock" Matlage...awesome.  Sorry Matlock, none of that will be good enough to overcome the Tide.  OUR PICK:  Alabama

Mississippi State @ Arkansas:  In theory this should actually be a high scoring affair.  Neither program likes to play a whole lot of defense, cause ya know, that's not really their "thing."  The good news for Dan Mullen is that the Bulldogs continue their streak of playing teams with unique nicknames, after their plain generic nickname scheduling debacle to open the season.  The bad news for Dan Mullen?  Arkansas seems to score on everyone, and Mississippi State can have off weeks on offense.  OUR PICK:  Arkansas

Uncle Ned @ Tennessee:  Let's go 'Dores!!!!  They can do it this week, the sixth win of the year.  That would make them the first team in college football history to actually be excited for a bid to the BBVA Compass Bowl (shout out to the Gamblin Boss).  And ya know what?  I think they get it done.  That might even make former Vandy great Jay Cutler smile...

...ok maybe not.  OUR PICK:  Uncle Ned gets it done!!

LSU @ Aunt Kathy:  HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA Aunt Kathy lost at home to Louisiana Tech last week hahahahahahahahahahaha.  What's that?  They suspended their starting QB too?  HAHAHAHAHA.  One more week Rebel more week.  OUR PICK:  Geaux Tigers!
-Major Munnerlyn

Friday, November 11, 2011

Week 11 SEC Picks!!

(Pick-et Fence...see what I did there?) 

Florida @ South Carolina:  This game scares me simply because it's Florida, and we're South Carolina.  But you know what?  We're a better football team, forget our histories, we are currently, this year, a better team (sorry Trip).  We should win this game, but I fear we will find a way to not win.  BUT working in the Gamecocks favor is that we lost last week and dropped outside the top 10.  That means people aren't paying attention to us anymore so that means we should play well.  That and I still can't get on board with John Brantley, but he's probably due for a 500 yard, Case Keenum-type game.  The best news though?  Kickoff is scheduled for noon, before the Georgia game so our level of play won't be affected by the outcome of the UGA/Auburn game.  OUR PICK:  Carolina

Kentucky @ Uncle Ned:  You'll notice I didn't call the Wildcats by their common Bagmen nickname.  That's because I respect Kentucky and I respect Joker Phillips, immensely.  I mean Gamblin' Boss weddings and great football, that's what Kentucky does baby!!  In all seriousness I'm trying to respect them because Gamecock fans may need them next week vs Georgia.  God help us if it comes down to that, but in the event that it does I say simply, "C A T S Cats Cats Cats!!!!"  OUR PICK:  Uncle Ned...come on now, I'm respecting Kentucky but I'm not a idiot.

Auburn @ Georgia:  Auburn is a great program, there's no doubt about that.  They've earned all their success in the last two years the good, hard working, HONEST way.  Absolutely nothing sketchy has gone on or contributed to any success they've had.  Gene Chizik was a great hire.  I said it at the time they hired him...just a great hire, a visionary hire!  (In case you are wondering, the same principle from the Kentucky/Uncle Ned game is applying to this game as well...really need Auburn here).  OUR PICK: Georgia...damnit.

Tennessee @ Arkansas:  Arkansas fans are prayin to Mike Huckabee that they don't lose this game.  that way they can continue the charade that they still have a chance to play for the national championship.  Or at least pretend they can beat LSU in two weeks.  Stop Arkansas, just stop.  You're annoying everyone.  No truth to the rumor that Derek Dooley is trying to change the term to "Orange pants-Freshman," to honor his pants...seen below:
(Which pair has the three month wait? Hmmmmm???)

The only way I would watch this game is to see if Dooley decides to needlessly burn someone else's redshirt, i meant, burn someone else's orangepants.  OUR PICK:  Arkansas

Western Kentucky @ LSU:  I know Carolina plays The Citadel next week which is even worse than this game but I hate this game cause it's happening this week.  I have nothing else to say about this game.  OUR PICK:  LSU

Louisiana Tech @ Aunt Kathy:  Good news Rebel fans!!  The end has officially commenced.  Houston Nutt is out at the end of the year (and the AD too, but who the hell cares about him), so next year you can be irrelevant under a different coaching staff!!  HOORAY!!!!  Just had to get ride of Coach Cutcliffe didn't you?  Here are some fun facts about Louisiana Tech so you can impress your friends:
1). Terry Bradshaw went there
2). Their Coach's name is Sonny Dykes, his father's name is Spyke Dykes (really) which makes them the best father/son coaching name combo in college football.
3).  Karl Malone went there
That is all, those are the only fun facts about Louisiana Tech.  OUR PICK:  Aunt Kathy...somehow.

Alabama @ Mississippi State:  Dan Mullen is fighting for a bowl game again.  But sadly he is gonna get no help in this game.  Alabama is gonna roll through this team.  The game being in Starkville adds only slight intrigue, but the lack of ability to move the ball on Alabama kiiiiinda negates that intrigue.  Bama is a better team so game over.  Sorry Dan.  OUR PICK:  Tide will roll (damnit I did it again).
-Major Munnerlyn