Did anyone else catch what was going on last night in Cincinnati? I’ll give you a hint. An ass-whipping commenced, in which the Bearcats (BIG EAST PRIDE!) took down the Wolfpack of North Carolina State. By far, ESPN had nothing else to show…and when you throw in the likes of Craig James and Jesse Palmer in the booth, you find yourself shoving anything in your eyes and ears to make it stop. What else are you going to watch? 2 hours of Grey’s Anatomy?
ON TO THE PICKS!
(Also, click on the video and let the music play while reading, because it just sets the mood for ACC footbawwww!)
Temple @ Maryland : The mighty Terps are hosting another home game in which they will be wearing more ridiculous uniforms. Temple pooped all over my pick last week, and kept it close with Penn State. Again, Maryland…I don’t know what to make of you. This game is a true 50/50 split. I won’t be surprised if the Owls come into College Park and take one, but I think the home team wins it here. Pick: Maryland
Southern Miss @ UVA: Caruthers better strap himself in and try to smuggle in a bag of their finest Franzia to sit through this one. The Fightin’ Brett Favres are something to be reckoned with, and I strongly feel that this could be a win (upset) over the ‘Hoos. This will be another game in which the ACC fails to shine against a weaker opponent. I’ll give the nod to Southern Miss here. Pick: SoMiss
Virginia Tech @ Marshall : OK VIRGINIA TECH, WE GET IT ALREADY. YOUR SEASON DOESN’T START UNTIL WEEK 5! Unreal. Frank Beamer must be spooning John Swofford on the regular to get a cakewalk of a schedule. Look out Mrs. B! It’s going to be a doozy this weekend. Aunt Bea did more for pickles on the Andy Griffith show than what this schedule is doing for Virginia Tech. At least pickles fill you up…compared to the emptiness that you feel inside after playing Marshall. Pick: Virginia Tech
Florida State @ Clemson: OOOOHHHH WEEE! WE GOT US A TOP 25 MATCHUP HERE BOYS! (Note that this is the ONLY top 25 matchup that the ACC has this week…let that sink in….) This is no longer the Bowden bowl, which has taken some of the luster off of this game. Florida State is banged up, and Clemson is coming off of a big (?) win against a train wreck of an Auburn team. It’s a typical Vegas trap game with the huge line swings. FSU has a great defense, and it’s proven that they could crap out turds better than Auburn. Pick: FSU
Kansas State @ Miami: Miami last week took Ohio State to the woodshed, and I don’t know where they got it from. I look at this as two average teams from two average conferences…and one coming off of a big win at home last week. Miami can’t seem to get going, with a loss to Maryland, but defeating Ohio State? My head says Miami runs away, but I think K State keeps it close. Pick: Miami
UNC @ Georgia Tech: Georgia Tech put up video game numbers last week against Kansas, and look for more of the same this week. While there won’t be over 600 yards rushing, I see a big day for the Ramblin’ Wreck. I can’t buy into any team that barely wins at home (UNC), so combine that with being on the road…Pick: Georgia Tech
Tulane @ Dook: WHY LORD, HAVE THOU FORSAKEN ME? WHY IS THERE SUCH A HORRIBLE MATCHUP? Who in their right mind says, “You know what? Let’s take the family and head up to Durham for some great, classic, and intense college football action.” C’MON HONEY! THE BLUE DEVILS ARE PLAYING TULANE! I HOPE THEY HAVE A JAZZ BAND! Somewhere, Dan Beebe is saying “I can maybe, somehow, run the intramural programs at one of these schools. It’s got to be more competitive than this”. Pick: Tulane (Because in the ACC, you don’t have to be good….you have to be DOOK GOOD)
And finally…. (stop the music above)
UMass @ Boston College: (taking a page from Van Pelt) Hey Towmmy, listen here. Finally, we get a football game to determine who is the most Massachusetts team in dah whorld! Who needs DA SOX RITE NOW? WHO NEEDS DA PATS? We have a football game with the most wicked hawdcore mascots of all time. First, we got da Minutemen. LISTEN TO ME TOWMMY. LISTEN. What is more American and patriotic than being a Minuteman? NOTHIN! Except for the bloody dahmn sock from Curt Schilling and his performance where he gave his life on the mound for DA SOX…BUT THAT IS BESIDE THE POINT!!!!!! DAH UMASS MILITIA MINUTEMEN WIN
Ok Sal, shut up just for one minute here while I ask ya a question. What the F is on top of an American flag? What the F do you see as our national bird? WHAT DID THOSE BADASSES AT NASA DECIDE TO CALL THE SPACESHIP THING THAT LANDED ON THE F*CKING MOON? THE EAGLE. EAGLE! IF IT WASN’T FOR AN EAGLE, NEIL I’M-GOING-TO-STROLL-ON-THA-MOON-ARMSTRONG WOULDN’T EXIST! Tha only Minuteman that ever wins is when you are in bed with that lady you call your live in girlfriend Tiffany and she gets bad because you can’t last longer than a minute in bed. HIIII YOOOOOO!!!!! Listen here Sal, I know we had out troubles against the mighty Wildkittens from Northwestern, and got blownout by those KNIGHTS in Flahrida….BUT MAHRK MHY WHURDS…WE TAKE ONE FROM THAT TRASH FROM AMHURST!
Pick: Bashtun College
-Gamblin Boss
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