Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Dabo, Phil Collins, and how Clemson is going to "have a really good year"

Dabo Swinney (pictured above) making some kind of hand gesture comparing the size of the hole in the ground he found his ass in after last season


The great Charleston Post-Courier newspaper (by way of Spartanburg Hearld-Journal) has given us this ARTICLE in which we find out how much enthusiasm Clemson's head coach has, Troy's punter has a "spectacular" beard, and how starting QB Tajh Boyd makes it a point to listen to Phil Collins before kickoff. (and how its a different feeling to run down that hill they have when you know that you're the starter. YA DON'T SAY???)


These are all good things to hear, as Clemson doesn't have anything major to prepare for...other than say Troy's offense that is MUCH MUCH MUCH better than you think. Don't be surprised to see the Trojans as one of my 'Dog picks on Friday.

-Gamblin Boss

SEC and Texas AM: Take 2


Ok, let's try this again. Apparently the SEC and Texas A and M didn't know they had to formally quit their conference before joining a new one. Whoops, probably shouldn't have told Andy Katz. But now they told the Big 12 they are leaving, according to reports. So this leaves Texas A and M in same place Kim K was after she ditched Reggie Bush. A hot commodity open for business. But will TAMU find their (insert Nets basketball player name)?

For those that don't know WHY the greatest conference in all the land wants TAMU , its simply because Mike Slive is saying "Give me some of that internet money". They will invade the Dallas and Houston (two top ten markets) TV markets. They need to do this because the SEC Network deal sucks. It was revolutionary, the first of its kind, and at the time, sick money (2.25 billion). But a 15-year mortgage vastly under market blows. The Pac-10 (AKA the not compelling enough to stay awake while I'm hammered and past out from wine spritzers Conference) has a TV deal in play thats 700 million dollars more. Sidenote: What kind of programming are they going to show? National Championship Season recaps? Heisman profiles? Joey Harrington Highlight reels?

Back to the point. Slive screwed the SEC by not waiting until the market dictated a 5 billion dollar TV deal. So maybe he can stay ahead of the curve here and snag a Texas school (like that even matters). But my point is: why ruin a perfectly good frat party by inviting the creepy Computer Science major?

Seriously. What are the "Aggies" going to provide the party? Heisman hopefuls? Conference banners (besides one from failed conferences)? Relevance? This school claims Texas as its main rival but ask a Longhorn who their biggest rival is, and I bet they say the Sooners.

Congrats SEC, we just let in the New York Knicks to the SEC. A team who thinks they are more relevant than they really are. I'll be honest with you, I had NO idea John David Crow won the Heisman for the "Aggies" in 1957. That they haven't sniffed the top 10 since 1994. Or that the won the national championship, in 1939, back when only the Army and Norte Dame won them.

So a school that considers Baylor and Rice as rivals are now a part of the "Big Show". I think their 24-40 record against Arkansas will provide all the information you need on how TAMU will fare in the SEC.

WELCOME TO ANOTHER DECADE OF IRRELEVANCE TEXAS A&M! Fun game to play at parties: Name Aggies in the NFL, or any Aggie to have played in the NFL. Ready, go!

Georgia Bulldogs – The Greatest Team That Is Supposedly Going To Contend?



 Georgia, first and foremost, is one of (if not THE) most hated team in the SEC. Long before South Carolina and Arkansas joined the SEC in 1992, the University of Georgia Bulldogs found themselves in the bulls eye of several existing conference teams. In the East, Tennessee and Florida were natural rivals due to their proximity and long standing traditional games. (UT/UGA play early in the fall…and who can forget about the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party in Jacksonville?) Key SEC West schools Auburn and Alabama both find themselves on UGA’s schedule year in and year out. When South Carolina joined forces with the SEC, Georgia picked up another in conference rival who had already been established long before any conference was thought of. (I remember when George Rogers destroyed the Hedges in style) Every single year, before ANY down of football is played, half of the SEC already hates this team. 

This leads me to ask the question:

“Why is everyone and fans of rival teams saying Georgia can win the SEC East, and contend for the National Championship?”

I don’t get it…I just don’t. We’re talking about the same Georgia team that lost in the Liberty Bowl to C-USA powerhouse CENTRAL FLORIDA 10-6 this past year…right? Is this the same Georgia that lost its best receiver A.J. Green to the NFL? Wait, wait, wait…you mean this is the same Georgia that didn’t gain any major playmakers on either side of the ball (outside of …OK…a 5* RB recruit), and went 6-7 (3-5 in SEC) last year? GOOD LORD. Has the nation lost its collective mind?

Yes. 

Georgia is like that pretty girl that you see at the party that has so much potential at the beginning of the night, but you quickly write her off after you see her taking shots of Everclear and passing out within the first hour. By the time she wakes back up, the party is almost over, and is shaking the cobwebs out just to get home to nobody that cares. I can’t take a team that looks good on paper seriously. Yes, you got your 5* running back. Yes, your schedule is softer than a pancake from IHOP. BUT WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO CONVINCE ME YOU CAN PLAY?

Mark Richt has a fire already ablaze under his chair from the SNAFU that was last year. A loss to a Conference USA opponent in any location (garbage bowl game or not) is not acceptable. The natives are already restless, and you can trim the hedges in Sanford Stadium with the tension that’s on the West Sidelines. I don’t believe for any second that this young team can overcome what’s being placed on their shoulders. Not only are they feeling the pressure from the Bulldog faithful, but knowing that if they cannot bring home 8 wins and/or an SEC East title, their coach is gone. Yes, Aaron Murray is an outstanding Junior QB who can take a team on his shoulders and win…but for how long? 

If UGA gets past both Boise and SCAR, then they will likely pick up more whispers of “contenders” for the National Title. Understandably, when you don’t play LSU, Alabama, or Arkansas in your yearly SEC rotation – people will call that one hell of a break – and you will have a shot at doing something big. I, for one, see this as the Mark Richt Farewell Tour of 2011…and the season coming to a close with seven to eight wins and a nice trip to Tampa for the Outback Bowl. The pressure will be too much, too great, too early, and too often for this team to get its legs.

-Gamblin Boss

2011 Georgia Bulldogs Schedule (my picks)
9/3 Boise State (L)
9/3 SOUTH CAROLINA (L)
9/17 COASTAL CAROLINA (W)
9/24 @ Ole Miss (W)
10/1 MISSISSIPPI STATE (W)
10/8 @ Tennessee (L)
10/15 @ Vanderbilt (W)
10/29 FLORIDA (L)
11/5 NEW MEXICO STATE (W)
11/12 AUBURN (W – but could go either way)
11/19 KENTUCKY (W)
11/26 @ Ga Tech (W)

Editor’s Note:   HOW THE HELL DOES UGA HAVE 7 HOME GAMES, AND POTENTIALLY 8 OR 9 WITH THOSE GAMES IN ATLANTA?

I wanna be a college football player when I grow up!!



Boy I sure wish I was a college football player.  I keep hearing about how poor these kids are.  And how 'Oh my goodness these kids deserve to be paid.  They can barely get buy!!  They come from nothing!!  OH THE HUMANITY WILL SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN??!!!'  (The people that make this argument choose to ignore the fact that Kellen Winslow, son of NFL Hall of Famer Kellen Winslow is one of these kids who "come from nothing"...but I digress).  Now I used to think, 'Well wait, they are getting paid!  They're getting a free education, I mean knowledge is power right?"  This is commonly referred to as the "Crotchety Old Man" opinion. Then I realized that I'm not sure how much these degrees are actually helping these kids.  I mean, I didn't major in rocket surgery, but I'd like to think my degree goes only slightly further than the following typical football majors: University Studies, General Studies, African-American Studies, and Arts and Letters.  That doesn't even include the players (please stop referring to them as scholar-athletes...just obnoxious) who are Juniors and Seniors whose listed major is Undecided.  Really??  Couldn't quite nail down a major before your last semester of school?  Ok, fair enough.  Then I switched to the opinion, well maybe they should pay them while they're there.  They need money to go on a date afterall.  Do laundry! That's what typical college kids do right??  Welllllll then Jordan Jefferson has 49 (49!!!) pairs of shoes removed from his apartment by the police.  Really?  49 freakin pairs of shoes?  I don't know that I've owned 49 pairs of shoes in the last 15 years.  And this "poor innocent football player" has 49 now??  For those of you who have made it through my entirely too long blog post, you get to read my solution.  Create a trust fund for each player and make contributions while they are enrolled, but they can't access until they are done playing.  NCAA mandated amounts can go in there (to keep it somewhat even playing field) for things like jersey sales, video game likenesess, playing time, dressing for games, awards, etc.  That way Andrew Luck's trust fund is worth more than sayyy this guy. 
63 sports...out

Smackdown Review 8/30/11

The WWE has recently started a new trand of airing Smackdown live on Tuesday nights as opposed to its normal tape delayed Friday version. This has one serious benefit (mainly I am normally home on Tuesdays as compared to Fridays) while also having a major fallback (I now have to commit 4 hours to wrestling over two days). Last nights Smackdown was a continuation of the theme presented on Monday Night Raw which is that the biggest stars of each brand will compete on both programs. Thus last night we were able to witness Raw legends John Cena and CM Punk appear on Smackdown, which normally doesn't occur. With that in mind Smackdown led off its program with a match between John Cena and Wade Barrett. 

As I mentioned yesterday John Cena is a worse version of Hulk Hogan in every way.  He is designed to appeal to the 6-13 year old demographic in the same way Hulk was. Instead of telling kids to take their vitamins, Cena preaches that kids adhere to his three tenants Hustle, Loyalty, and Respect. He does this while also changing his t shirt color every four months so that kids have to ***SHOCKER*** BUY more t-shirts!! It is a fantastic ploy on the WWE's part and it is why we will never see Cena make a heel turn (the only way to redeem his character in my opinion) or not be in contention for the heavyweight title. Without the strap or him fighting for the strap, Cena is just another wrestler who is bigger than life, can't sell a move, or can't cut a promo. There is a reason I will buy CM Punk t-shirts and not Cena shirts. 

Last night Cena opened up Smackdown cutting another abysmal promo about how he was going to beat Alberto Del RRRRRRRRRRRRRRiiiiioooo at Night of Champions to win his 8 millionth WWE title. While he was in the middle of this terrible promo Wade Barrett came out to challenge him to a grudge match over some beef from a year and a half ago. It was the stupidest angle ever but they needed a match and the crowd liked it. Just like every Cena match in the history of man it ended with the five moves of doom. 

If you have never seen Cena before that is how every match ends.

Other highlights from last night include the following:

Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne cutting a promo where they mention how bad the tag team division has been recently. They go as far to say there are no tag teams anymore like Demolition or Legion of Doom. Listen Vince Russo, if you are reading our blog we appreciate it but if you are going to plagiarize at least give us a shoutout!

Sin Cara squared off against Daniel Bryan. I mentioned yesterday that I was not a fan of Cara due to my refusal to believe he could ever beat someone as big as Jack Swagger. Well when he is fighting another high flyer such as Daniel Bryan it works much better. Not only can they both sell each others moves, but I can actually believe that his stupid frogsplash-moonsault combo could actually harm D Bryan whereas it is comical when he uses it against a bigger opponent like Swagger. The E is obviously making a big push for Sin Cara as they had him defeat D Bryan (the Smackdown Money in the Bank Winner). 

Divas Match: Kelly Kelly two nights in a row!!! Twenty minutes of my life down the drain, two nights in a row!!!!

CM Punk, HHH, and Nash continued their feud with an official contract signing for Night of Champions. Like all contract signings HHH and CM Punk squabbled over why they needed to fight, a table got over turned and someone inevitably got kicked in the face. HHH and Punk both cut good promos about why they needed to beat each others asses. HHH used his famous "I am going to beat your fat skinny ass" line which always makes me smile while Punk methodologically discussed why HHH is a liar and he needed to bring the punishment. Both guys are at the top of the WWE when it comes to cutting promos and it is a treasure to watch them together. When they were done signing the contract, the NWO music hit and Nash ran down and kicked Punk in the teeth. Great segment.  

The main event of the night was a steel cage match between Christian and Randy Orton. It is a shame this feud is played out, because they really do great work together. I think steel cage matches were when I realized growing up that wrestling was fake. I could never quite understand why the jackasses took so long to climb over the cage or run out the door. It always seemed to me that they took waaaaaaaaaaaayyy too long attempting to win their match. Needless to say some poor kids illusions were shattered last night when a whole lot of that occurred.  Orton hit Christian with an RKO off the top turnbuckle to earn the pinfall victory. While he was exhausted from his victory Mark Henry ran out and beat his ass setting up their title fight at Night of Champions.

This Smackdown was a very mixed bag for me but it did well to advance a couple key story elements with an excellent cage match. 6/10

-Fishsticks

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

The World Against Da U: At Least We Have Jason Whitlock

That's right America! Hate on us all you want. We have Jason Whitlock on our side. Don't know who he is? Then chances are you're white.

Fox Sports have produced solid writers as XXX and um XXX. Fuck it. That doesn't matter. Jason Whitlock was once on HBO's Real Sports. The episode that made an "Auburn Handshake" a common phrase in the South. Whitlock was the dude that completely butchered the roundtable by saying things such as "The NCAA doesn't like African Americans".

Well that same guy has taken to the aide of Da U! Posting an article comparing Nevin Shapiro to a Durham prostitute rather than Jose Canseco. I'm serious. So it lead to me to think, what are the odds someone described the Miami situation to Whitlock as follows:

Guy 1: Hey Jason, Miami's in big trouble. They have a booster claiming to Yahoo Sports to have paid lots of benefits to former players. Big Trouble.


JW: Let me see some pictures...logs on Yahoo Sports Article. Hmmm so this little white dude told this little white reporter that he was hanging out with these black dudes. Instantly takes Miami side.

Listen, I think it's pretty admirable he's taken Miami's side will the rest of the media has sensationalized this whole scandal. Shapiro has been given more respect than he should. But I get it, America doesn't like Miami and magnifies its problems. But after nearly a month of this scandal, only one reporter has taken the side of Miami, and thats Jason Whitlock. Not a good sign.

Much Love
-Da U

3 GREAT Locker Room Motivational Posters

I just wanted to pass along a few sights that are actual locker room motivational posters. Something tells me that a picture of The Hindenburg disaster saying "DON'T USE BLIMPS" would have turned out better. Enjoy.

Tennessee
.Miami
And Ole Miss (because Houston Nutt loves playing in Microsoft Word 2007)

That's all for now - enjoy your Tuesday Rush Hour

-Gamblin Boss

Vick's 548 days by Seth Wickersham


Everyone who goes on to the 4 letter networks website may have seen, Mike Vick as a white man or some other rediculous article. However, Seth Wickersham has an interesting article about what life was like for Vick in the federal pen. Here is an exerpt.

Vick plays in a basketball game, part of a prison-organized tournament. When his team wins, another inmate accuses Vick of paying off the refs. He tries to shake him off, but the inmate, in front of all the others, yells "F-- you!" over and over. Vick's prepared himself to walk away from a confrontation like this, but now, in the moment, it's not so easy. He figures if he ignores this guy, he'll be branded as weak.

"I'm a grown man," Vick snaps. "You're not talking to me that way."

"What do you want to do?" the guy says. "You got more to lose than me."

"I'm in the same position you're in," Vick says.

They stare at each other for a moment, then Vick lunges. But before he can swing, another inmate grabs him and pulls him back, reminding him, "Vick, you can't do this!"

Vick backs off and looks at the man who saved him from the fight, from perhaps a transfer to another prison, coupled with a longer sentence that would have kept him out of football another year. It's Dink, his floor-mopping companion.

Pretty intense stuff. I don't know how he got the information, but he did one heck of a job. Out of all the articles about Vick, this is what I want to read. I don't care that PETA is mad at him, I don't care what Jesse Jackson thinks. I want to know what it was like day in and day out in Leavenworth, Kansas.

Love Vick, Hate Vick, or have him on your fantasy team. This is worth the read. The full article can be found in Sept 5th ESPN the Magazine or here.





Auburn and Clemson: A Tale of Two Tigers


Auburn and Clemson. Two storied schools of tradition. Two schools of Agriculture. Two schools with national titles in football….and Two schools with the most redneck, delusional, and unrealistic fan bases in the history of NCAA football who play each other week three of this year’s college football campaign. While I will get into the extreme fan bases later on into the, let’s focus on these two schools up until week 5, and how their meeting in Clemson, SC on Saturday, September 17th (ABC 12:00PM EST) will impact more than just a single win or loss.

Auburn Tigers

The defending national champions have their work cut out for them this year…most notably due to the loss of Cam Newton and Nick Fairley. Looking at their schedule below, you’ll easily be able to pick out where the tough part of their schedule lies: (my guesses)
9/3 UTAH STATE (W)
9/10 MISSISSIPPI STATE (L)
9/17 at Clemson (W)
9/24 FLORIDA ATLANTIC (W)
10/1 at South Carolina (L)
10/8 at Arkansas (L)
10/15 FLORIDA (L – although this could go either way)
10/22 at LSU (L)
10/29 OLE MISS (W)
11/5 open
11/12 at Georgia (L – although this could go either way)
11/19 SAMFORD (W)
11/26 ALABAMA (L)

Clemson is hands down the most important game on Auburn’s schedule. Many people will argue that MSU the week before could take that spot. However, dropping a game at home against a top 20ish school is not the end of the world. Not to mention, Dan Mullen has a pretty solid chance of contending in several games this year. Personally, the Gamblin Boss sees them going into The Plains and taking one. The major issue lies with dropping this game on the road to a middle of the pack ACC school who is all hyped up on Mountain Dew. It won’t sit well with fans from South Alabama. The biggest problem that everyone at Auburn has to deal with (from the University President to sidewalk casual fan) is PERCEPTION. Auburn must send out an image that “all is well”…not only within their football program, but also to fans of the SEC. Could you imagine the ranting and raving field day piss ant ACC fans will have if Clemson beats Auburn? We ALL know….those of use with legit heads on our shoulders and not Orange blinders on…that Auburn is a shell of its former self. BUT THAT WON’T MATTER! Jim Bob, Cooter, and Clem’s son will all be singing the praises that the “mighty tigers of the ACC were the first ones to take down the TIGERS OF THE PLAINS”. Heck, I can already hear the echoes of [packing tobacco into lip] “WE DID SOMETHING SOUTH CAROLINA COULDN’T DO. [/spit tobacco into can]
Do I honestly feel that Auburn will lose to Clemson? I don’t know. It’s a complete crap shoot.  Clemson is not anything to write home about, but every single person with a tractor and overalls within 30 miles of Death Valley will be there to cheer on the MIGHTY TIGERS. From Auburn’s stand point, I’d have to feel like a prize bull getting ready to enter into the ring with the Matador…and feeling the pre-fight stab weaken their power just as the orange cape is waved in our face.Will you have the energy to take them down?


Clemson Tigers

Clemson. The only school that can justify a coach with the first name of Dabo. The ACC as a whole has only two possible teams to carry their banner into the Orange Bowl this year, so it’s very difficult to think that other teams have a shot to run the table. Clemson just is not that good. Taj Boyd may in fact be the worst quarterback in the state of South Carolina since Dondrial Pinkins trotted out in the #5 for South Carolina.  Now I’m not going to sit here and clog up valuable blog space on how terrible he, or his QB coach is (see Car Care Bowl 2010…or ask the 4,928 fans in attendance) because this is about the schedule and importance of the Auburn game.
9/3 TROY (W)
9/10 WOFFORD (W)
9/17 AUBURN (L)
9/24 FLORIDA STATE (L)
10/1 at Virginia Tech (L)
10/8 at BOSTON COLLEGE (W)
10/15 at Maryland (W)
10/22 NORTH CAROLINA (W)
10/29 at Georgia Tech (L)
11/5 open
11/12 WAKE FOREST (W)
11/19 at NC State (L –but could go either way)
11/26 at South Carolina (L)

Let this entire schedule sink into your brain. Allow the smells of cupcakes enter into your nostrils. CLEMSON HAS NO REASON WHY THEY WIN LESS THAN 6 GAMES. I don’t care how rational you are…or how much you may hate those that ‘pay ten a year”. THE ACC IS AWFUL. Clemson could care less if they drop one to Auburn at home. No problem! Hell, even if they lose against Florida State in the former Bowden Family Toilet Bowl…they still get to play the likes of Maryland, Wake Forest, NC State, Boston College (WHO HAD THEIR TICKETS ON GROUPON LAST WEEK. GROUPON FOR GOD’S SAKE). This doesn’t even count wins against Troy and something called a “Wofford”. Clemson, no one cares what you do with this game. If you win, yes…you’ll be assured 7 or 8 wins. Lose, and so what? You’ll still make it to the Car Care bowl…or better yet, still be in contention to win the ACC with 7 losses.

In summary, Auburn has every ounce of pressure on them to win this game.  Mike Slive cares about this. Paul (or PAWWWL) Finebaum cares about this. The Pope should care about this. They cannot lose this game…under any circumstance. For God, country, and the SEC…the scoreboard must light up like a Christmas tree under the visitor’s side. If it happens, Clemson fans are going to go complete apeshit over a victory, and proclaim that the ACC IS BACK!  The defending national champions have been defeated!

The coming weeks will be very interesting, and I hope that this prediction will still stand:
Auburn 27 Clemson 20

-Gamblin Boss

Monday Night Raw Recap August 29th


Growing up there was nothing better than Monday Night Raw. However beginning around 2001 I became disenfranchised with the product that the E was running out there each week. With zero legitimate competition from WCW, the E had gone stale and the storytelling was just plain pathetic. Replacing greats like Stone Cold were dis-interesting  characters that I could care less about their back story. Well a funny thing happened this January. The Rock finally came back to Monday Night Raw.

With the Rock returning my phone blew up! Could it really be? Could the most electrifying man in sports entertainment really be coming back for good? I had to find out so I started watching Raw every week. The Rock started a feud with John Cena (think Hulk Hogan in 2011 without the terrible balding or the ability to sell a move) that has finally culminated in Cena vs. the Rock at Wrestlemania in Miami next year. Needless to say I will be there and cant wait for Cena to get his roody poo candy ass whipped in front of the millions AND Millions of the Rocks fans. A funny thing happened though when I was awaiting every Rock move and promo. I fell back into the WWE Universe and developed a relationship with some of the wrestlers (Chicago's own CM Punk most notably) which has led to Monday Night Raw being required viewing every week. Last night was a very good Raw as they continue the story from Summerslam leading to Night of Champions.

The main thing the WWE has going for them right now is the three way feud going on between HHH, Kevin Nash, and CM Punk. About a month ago HHH fired his real life father in-law and WWE owner Vince McMahon because Vince was not looking out for the best interests of the WWE. The board of directors then hired HHH to take his place. Just like Vince had the worlds most insubordinate employee in Stone Cold, Aitch (HHH) has one too in CM Punk. Punk recently won the WWE Heavyweight title against John Cena at the Money in the Bank pay per view in Chicago before losing it to Alberto Del Rio at Summerslam. To make matters worse Punk didn't lose the strap fairly. After a grueling match with Cena at Summerlsam Kevin Nash came out of the crowd to jackknife  powerbomb Punk. This resulted in Alberto Del Rio running down the ramp with his Money in the Bank contract kicking Punk in the face and easily getting a 3 count to win the WWE title.

All of this led Punk to question WHO had sent Kevin Nash to powerbomb him at Summerslam. Punks logical answer was that Nash's best friend and WWE commissioner Aitch had sent him since Aitch didn't like him. Aitch has repeatedly denied sending Nash to do the job while Nash has repeatedly claimed that he received a text from someones phone telling him to take out Punk and that it was from someone in charge. Punk being the smart man that he is has concluded that it was either Aitch OR his real life wife Stephanie McMahon Helmsley that sent the message. Punk has gone on the offensive calling Stephanie a moron, a bimbo and generally insulting her right in front of her husband. Finally last night Aitch couldn't take it anymore and revoked Punks grudge-match against Nash at Night of Champions and instead put himself up against Punk!


This is a much welcome development. Both HHH and CM Punk are incredible workers and should put on a fantastic match at Night of Champions. Throw in the fact that Nash is still around and you have the makings of an excellent angle. The E is doing the correct thing here with Punk. Unlike Cena, he doesn't need the strap to be relevant. He is the best worker currently in the ring AND on the mic and can sell any angle that they throw at him. Cena on the other hand while being extremely dedicated is miserable on the mic and below standard in the ring. Without the strap he is completely worthless.

Other results from last night:

- Randy Orton defeated Dolph Ziggler when he hit his RKO out of seemingly nowhere for the 8,456,343rd time this year. I like Randy but they might need to change up his gimmick a little bit.

-CM Punk defeated Miz via DQ when the Miz's buddy R Truth ran in and clobbered Punk. Prior to this Punk and Miz had worked an excellent match. After Punk got got (Truths new catchphrase) Kevin Nash lumbered down to the ring and power bombed Punk. That never gets old seeing. Trust me. I was also a little disappointed that Truth didn't get any time on the mic last night. Over the last few weeks Truth and Miz have been fantastic heels and I would have liked to see that continue.

-Sin Cara defeated Jack Swagger via pinfall. Dont really care for Cara. He is one of those high-flying types who weighs less than 200 pounds. Needless to say he has no business beating jack Swagger who is about 6 foot 5 and weighs probably close to 270 and is straight jacked.

-Bourne and Kofi defeat Otunga and Mgcuillity to retain the tag team belts. Another yawn match. Tage team competition no longer includes teams like Legion of Doom or Demolition. It is now primarily for morons who have zero mic skills and can't get over with the crowd in singles competition. One thing of a note here was that Kofi's fireworks didnt go off and he looked surprised. Was pretty funny.

-Kelly Kelly vs. Bella twin- I dont know what happened or care what happened. Kelly Kelly is incredibly hot though. Might be the hottest chick on the planet!

-Cena and Sheamus defeat Mark Henry and Christian. In case you were wondering yes that is the same Mark Henry from the Nation of Domination and yes his gimmick is STILL the Worlds Strongest Man. He is no longer a face but a heel who has taken out Kane and the Big Show in past weeks. This match played out like every single Cena match with him hitting his running shoulders, Five Knucke Shuffle, STFU, and AA for a pinfall. After this was all over we were cut to backstage as Punk was making fun of Aitch's wife. Aitch cancelled Punks match with Nash substituting himself instead.

Pretty good Monday Night Raw. The story was sufficiently advanced and I am really looking forward to Punk HHH at Night of Champions. I would give Raw an 8/10.

-Fishsticks

Monday, August 29, 2011

CEDRIC BENSON TO JAIL!


In case you miss this, Cerdic Benson plead no contest to a misdemeanor assault charge and was sentenced to 20 days in jail. However, Assistant Travis County(for those geographically impaired ) Corby Holcomb said that the cincy starting running back will likely only spend a week in jail due to good behavior.

According to an arrest affidavit, Benson (above) got into a fight with an unknown person at the bar at about 1:50 a.m. on May 30, 2010, which was a Sunday morning. The affidavit said Benson suffered a bloody lip in the fight and shoved a bar manager because he wanted to continue the Linkscuffle. After Benson was “verbally aggressive” with bar staff, he was escorted out, the affidavit said.Outside the bar, Benson told a bystander “all these white boys are ganging up on me and kicking me out,” the affidavit said. According to an affidavit, bar employee Bryan White then told Benson: “I’m going to take time out of my busy job to kick you out?” Benson then punched White in the face, the affidavit said. Statesman
Is it me or does the fact that the bar employee was named White seem a bit Ironic?

Anyway, My question is, if your Benson, why do you take this plea? Was the outcome that bleak to fore go letting 12 honest Travis County citizens to decide your fate?
Maybe its me, but I feel like Benson could of gotten a better deal. A fine, or community service would of been better. What does Travis County get from making an example of Benson?

For fantasy owners out there, I hope that his attorney can arrange to have him serve this time during their bye week. If he is still available after his time in the pokey, he might be a good pick up if he turns into 2011's Vick.






It’s a good day in Texas

Even though it’s a Monday and it’s 103 degrees it has turned out to be a pretty good day here in Texas. That’s because Garrett Gilbert was named the starting QB for the Longhorns which means that Texas could be in for another long season. After living in ACC Basketball country most of my life moving to Texas has taught me one thing, and that’s that Texas football fans are the equivalent of Duke basketball fans. Like Duke, Texas is a hard school to get into, and therefore most Texas fans never actually attended the school nor have relatives that did. The only connection they have to the school is that they are one of over 25 million people that live in this state. Despite this fact burnt orange and longhorns are everywhere. Therefore it was great news to hear that Gilbert will again be the schools starting QB this fall. Gilbert was horrible last year throwing 17 interceptions to only 10 touchdowns. He was a large reason why the Longhorns went 5-7. Gilbert remained the starter all of last season because Texas had no backups that were capable of doing better than an almost two interceptions per touchdown ratio. As the season spiraled out of control Mack Brown could do nothing except sit there and watch it. How you can have the entire state of Texas to recruit from and not have at least one QB who is capable of doing better than Gilbert did last year is mind boggling, but it looks like somehow Mack Brown has now managed to do it two years in a row.



When Wikipedia lies

Last night I decided to attend the Yankees Orioles game at Camden Yards. It was a beautiful park and a fun game. I however lost interest about the fourth inning. It could have been the fact that I was about 8 drinks deep at this point or it could have been that I could give two shits about the Yankees and Orioles.

Regardless my seat buddy and I decided to move closer to the field. We ended up one row off of the third base bag where an umpire was just doing his job that night. I however was drunk and had a job to do as well. My new job for the rest of the night was to harass this umpire and try and get something to happen.

I was definitely getting beer when the umpires were announced at the beginning of the game so I did not pay any attention when the umpiring crew was announced. I therefor needed to find out who my victim would be, so I wiki'd "major league umpires," Needless to say Mike Winters came up as Umpire #17.

In case you did not know Mike Winters was the umpire who called Milton Bradley a piece of shit forcing Milton to do what Milton does best and act like an out of control animal. In Milton's rage he ended up tearing his ACL and I believe Mike Winters got fined and even suspended. So what was i going to yell at him all night? Needless to say he was a racist who hated black people for the next two innings and "Mike" shot me some dirty looks.

Well, I said earlier in the story that I was in the second row. After two straight innings of yelling loudly in the peoples ears in front of me they turned around and said "hey asshole shutup that isnt even Mike Winters" I was taken aback. Could i have been harassing the wrong umpire? I then google imaged a picture of Mike Winters. It looked like him. He wore the same number. How could I have been wrong?

The answer? Wikipedia lied. He used to wear #17 or some other bullshit like that and now John Hirschbeck wore #17. This was not lost on me as Hall of Famer Robbie Alomar spit a big fat loogie right in his face. I then proceeded to remind John of this for the next few innings much to the dismay of other people.  Needless to say I learned a lesson: Never use Wikipedia as your only source

That was not the correct guy. But he damn looked like it. Oh well it was fun.

-Fishsticks

OH MY GOD THE NY POST HAS BEEN DOING DRUGS AND POSTING TOP 25'S AGAIN

The NY Post released their top 25 today (insert air quotes). Also, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that Lenn Robbins looks like someone that needs to take a dump but is severely constipated in his picture. Needless to say they everyone north of the Mason-Dixon line has lost their damn minds. It's a good thing that this was passed along to me in a direct link, because otherwise you wouldn't see it on their main sports page. Who would have thought something this major would need to be listed on its own? Take a few shots of something and see if any of the following makes sense:

·         1.SOUTH CAROLINA
W.T.F – seriously….W.T.F. This is why doing meth and/or huffing paint is a horrible idea before writing a column.

·         2. OKLAHOMA
No complaints here. I guess the philosophy is to have OK at #2 and wait of South Carolina to screw it up.

·         3. ALABAMA
Sounds about right...but why isn't LSU up here? Are they not cheating hard enough?

·         4. ARIZONA STATE
Yep - last year's 6-6 squad coming out of the PAC-10 should get a preseason #4 ranking. Awesome.

·         5. FLORIDA STATE
Being the flag bearer of the ACC is being the tallest midget. YAY FSU!

·         6. WISCONSIN
Middle of the top-10 for the top of the Big Ten/Eleven/Whatever.

·         7. LSU
The Jefferson’s are moving the wrong way….but still see these guys giving AL a run for the West

·         8. BOISE STATE
Yea this makes all kinds of sense…2nd or 3rd best in SEC UGA is 10th, but Boise is 8th? Nope…

·         9. OREGON
We get it….Auburn’s National Title wasn’t legit, so you actually won it? Cool unis though. Positioned about right for the PAC-12.

·         10. GEORGIA
Go to hell, Georgia….and you are fighting for Marky Mark’s livelihood if you don’t win 9 games

·         11. TEXAS A&M
Maybe an 11th place finish can justify a move to the SEC

·         12. STANFORD
Thank you Andrew Luck for staying one more year. You alone have given your team this ranking.

·         13. WEST VIRGINIA
This should be closer to #20. WVU always under-impresses me, especially early.

·         14. VIRGINIA TECH
Va Tech should be closer to top 10, but again they are like the pretty girl that you hear about from your friends that never shows up to the party.


·         15. OKLAHOMA STATE
STOP MESSING WITH MY HEAD BIG 12….AND GET OUT OF THE TOP 20.

·         16. MISSISSIPPI STATE
Dan Mullen has a stock in official MSU cowbells. Higher ranking = more sales = more money. Should be around #22

·         17. NOTRE DAME
I get it. If Notre Dame is good, it’s good for college football. I wholeheartedly disagree. Any school that hired Ty Willingham deserves to be awful in everything that they do.

·         18. OHIO STATE
FREE TATTOOS AND CAR DEALS FOR EVERYONE!

·         19. UTAH
If BYU isn’t ranked…we might as well have a school from another Mormon state in the top 20. I’m OK with this

·         20. NEBRASKA
Shucking corn and running the option…THAT’S WHAT TOMMY FRAZIER AND TOM OSBORNE DO!  WE WISH WE STILL DID WELL!

·         21. ARKANSAS
Wild Hog/Dark horse to come out of the SEC West. I don’t buy them any higher or lower.

·        
22. TCU
Hey, Remember when we went to a BCS bowl game? Yea, no one else does either – that’s why we’re in the #20’s.

·         23. HOUSTON
Was this guy just filling out teams to get to this point?

·         24. NORTHWESTERN
See (Houston #23)

·         25. SOUTHERN MISS
"I'll take what team has no business in the top 25 for $1000, Alex"




-Gamblin Boss

Postcards from TitleTown

Prime Example right here on the rigors of playing in the mighty Atlantic Coast Conference. What's that Alabama? Two-A-Days? Ha Welcome to the Atlantic Division. We haven't multiple practices in years and always start out the season in the Top 10. Doesn't matter how we finish, just as long as we can get them pretty little boys the Sunshine State has to offer. So what their commitment pictures include flashing some green, up in this great land, chasing the American dream is encouraged. Just ask Phillip Merling. So while you SEC boys take pictures of Marcus or Trent grinding through intense practices, we enjoy downtime with a mean game of tummy sticks! Be Afraid Auburn, Be Very Afraid.

MONDAY - WEEK 1 - BREATHE IN, BREATHE OUT

It’s here.  It’s the week that we have all been waiting on since we saw Cam Newton smothering his $180,000 ass in confetti after the National Championship.  FOOTBAWWW KICKOFF WEEK 2011! Go ahead and tell your wives/girlfriends/occasional sleep over buddy that you don’t have time for them because you are locked into Mitch Muschamp’s STARE. You’re waking up at 8am for College Gameday and having a Bloody Mary. By 10am, its bourbon on the rocks. You’d rather be watching the 12PM BIG LEAST or ACC game on ESPN. Heck, this gives you a 30 minute warm up to the SEC Game at 12:30. Get your books ready…it’s time for 12 hours every Saturday of FOOTBAWWW! (and of course, Reece Davis and Dr. Lou to boot)
No other sport has had this much buildup in the off season. Sure, many of you could say the NFL is numero uno…but who really thought there wouldn’t be a year of professional football? The owner’s aren’t that stupid.  BUT OH MY GAWD IT’S TIME FOR SOME NCAA. How awesome is the SEC. I mean, really. The conference alone had so much turmoil for the past 8 months, it made Iran look as peaceful as a week at Folly Beach. (Dare I say Myrtle Beach…but we all know the level of trash and danger that exists there) Think about all of this…done by ONE conference:
·         South Carolina (or how ESPN loves to use SCAR) continues to be investigated for improper benefits to some players by staying at The Whitney Hotel
·         LSU’s quarterback decided it would be a great idea to kick a Marine with one of his 40+ pairs of shoes. (This really helps the hurting athlete argument)
·         Tennessee dismisses players, as well as just having its NCAA investigation wrapped up over their basketball program
·         Alabama – well everything Alabama has done is wrong. T-Town Menswear took the cake. Hey Trent, could you sign this for me? (I’ll give Clay Travis’ OutkickingTheCoverage.com website a plug for pushing the story)
·         Mississippi State is allegedly in bed with Auburn when it came to shopping around Cam Newton to see his worth. This may have been Dan Mullen’s smartest move yet by not seizing this opportunity
·         For the most part, Georgia has been somewhat on the straight and narrow…which is not what you could say about their AD and his “I’m not drinking or getting favors from a co-ed and holding her panties while driving down the road”. DON’T YOU KNOW WHO I AM?
·         Auburn. Silly Auburn. Your one year at the top will only be followed by a sharp drop off with maybe 6 wins. I can’t wait to see what Nicky Saban is going to do to you this fall.  
·         And…Danny Sheridan. Oh Danny boy. Your truth and journalism is what spurred this blog to start. We are the Bagmen. We are the ones who lurk in the shadows.
This is only the first post of many that our guys will contribute to...and over the next few weeks we hope to put together some kind of schedule of reoccurring events. Hang in there…its only Monday of week 1.

Gamblin Boss